Every December we argue long and loud about exactly where Santa Claus lives, but until now, we never thought that people did scientific research about it.
A Swedish engineering firm with too much time on their hands recently calculated the ideal place for Santa to be based if he wanted to optimize his delivery of Christmas presents on December 24. It turns out that, taking into account the population distribution and the earth's rotation, Santa should start in a spot 22 miles north of Kapkatash in Kyrgyzstan.
While Kyrgyzstan is not known as a tourist hot spot, we already know it as the gentle place where bank robbers use hypnosis instead of guns, and Kapkatash is not far from the border with Borat's home of Kazakhstan. Perhaps we'll soon be promoting "find the real Santa" tours to Kapkatash?
Despite knowing that there's more to the world than the fluffy-moustached alter-egos of British comics, we seem to get a nervous twitch when we go too long without mentioning Borat or Kazakhstan. Luckily for us, Lonely Planeteer John Noble goes inside the real Kazakhstan this week. He's currently working on LP's fourth-generation Central Asia guide.
While Noble reminds us all that nothing in Kazakhstan is exactly like Borat tells it--that Cohen probably chose the country simply because most Westerners knew little about it, that ethnic Kazakhs look nothing like Borat, and that women do ride on the insides of buses there--he also, perhaps unintentionally, does a bit to rub in Borat's stereotypes as well:
Families trace their lineages back to the scions of Ghenghis Khan, and Kazakhs play the wild sport kokpar, a kind of free-for-all football on horseback with an animal carcass instead of a ball.
He also urges visitors to get out into the wilderness, where the people are friendly, the surroundings nearly untouched, and "excellent ecotourism programmes" are popping up all over. You can visit the world's northernmost flamingo habitat, snowy mountains, and the "desert-like" Ustyurt Plateau, all in Kazakhstan. Just watch out for the cops, because they will make your tenge magically disappear.
Borat has been making the media rounds lately, and this morning (EST, at least) he made an appearance on CNN International for an interview with Becky Anderson. He refused to shake hands with the female journalist, but opened up a bit about his path to journalism ("I was educate in Astana University," "before this...I was a gypsy-catcher") and reasons for coming to America.
Not that he spoke much about the real Kazakhstan, though he did mention that it borders "assholes Uzbekistan." For a bit of photojournalism to temper the Borat attack, check out this slide show produced by Felix Merino and Nick Easen. It contains pictures of the Tien Shan and Kungey Alatau mountains, "richly decorated" yurts, and urban life in Almaty.
The Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan has extended an official jagshemash to Borat--er, Sacha Baron Cohen--and asked him to visit their country to see it for himself.
Deputy Foreign Minister Rakhat Aliyev hopes his country can Make Benefit by hosting Cohen and showing him that "women drive cars, wine is made of grapes, and Jews are free to go to synagogues." The official's recent statements are some of the most lighthearted coming out of the Kazakh government to date--did they catch an advance screening of the movie and finally realize how genius it is?
We doubt that Cohen will take them up on that offer--it would, after all, probably force him to break character--but we wouldn't mind a free trip to the most happenin' spot in Central Asia. Won't you take pity and send us there? No? Well, in that case, at least send us your Kazakhstan travel tips, tales, & info.
Just when you thought the spat between Borat and his opposition couldn't get better, Uzbek operative Roman Vassilenko has turned to venerated NPR to repond to some of Sagdiyev's claims about Kazakhstan. "Jagshemash," he says, is not a Kazakhstani greeting. Instead, it is "salamatsyz ba," for "good afternoon." Kazakhstan makes its money off oil, not "postassium exports." In a Q&A posted along with the audio interview, Vassilenko denies being Uzbek alltogether, claiming he is a "proud patriot of Kazakhstan," and so on.
We are skeptical, but naturally would trust you, dear readers, more than this imposter. Send us your Kazakhstan travel tips, tales, & info. We are especially interested in hearing from anyone who has tried that magical fermented mare's milk drink. Seriously, anyone been to Kazakhastan? From Kazakhastan? What is the real deal like? Let us know.
We heard that, facing the upcoming Borat movie, Kazakhstan was looking to improve its image in the U.S.
We heard that Kazakhstan wanted to run commercials, in addition to that giant print ad in the NY Times and IHT, but never expected they would surface. But surface they did, right in our home on CNN this morning. We can't say with what frequency they're running, or on what channels, but if you've yet to catch this rare, beautiful specimen for yourself, the above video of the whole shebang should hold you over for now. Bonus points to the ad director for putting Nazarbayev himself in the bit.
So Borat, are these ads accurate portrayals of your homeland or more evil nitwit propaganda from the nosey Uzbeks?
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by amandak
