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Ryanair Taunts British Airways: 'We're (About To Be) #1!'

It's no secret that Ryanair has translated their "Customers Suck" philosophy into one quarter of breakout profits after another.

It's also no secret that we kind of loathe them and everything they stand for (excepting low airfare), which makes this particular story, about how the low cost carrier is poised to pass British Airways as the largest airline in the UK, as predictable as it is aggravating. Try to contain your shock when we tell you that they're being obnoxiously smug about the whole thing:

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Ryanair Throws Huge Hissy Fit In Response To BBC Expose

Ryanair is in a very public, very heated, very crazy delicious feud with the BBC. The low cost carrier has taken exception to a BBC Panorama expose unpacking the airline's complex nickle and dime strategy for extracting airline fees. In response, Ryanair's the-customer-is-always-wrong CEO Michael O'Leary has blasted the program and unveiled a 1.1 million seat giveaway.

We were surprised Ryanair reacted so negatively to a discussion of their opaque fees. Usually they're so much more confident. Just a few weeks ago they were blustering about how their customers were free to explore other options if they had problems with the airline.

This is a company that's made a business model of brazenly abusing passengers, the implicit justification being that any alienated customers could always be replaced by other bargain seekers. "You'll take our abuse because you value your wallet more than your self-esteem" is practically the company's sneering motto.

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LCCs Now Bragging About How They're Not Screwing Over Customers

EasyJet and Air Berlin tracked down reporters this morning to announce that, in sharp contrast to Ryanair, they will not be removing their check-in desks from the airports they service. The airlines, in a bit of a throwback, cited the concept of "service" as the basis for their decision. How quaint:

'To have somebody in the airport you can ask questions to, and to take baggage for free, is a crucial part of our service,' said Alexandra Mueller, a spokeswomen for Air Berlin, Europe’s third-largest low-fare carrier... EasyJet, Europe’s No. 2 discount carrier, has 'no plans to go down the Ryanair route,' said Samantha Day, a company spokeswoman. The Luton, England-based airline may introduce free online check-in for all passengers this winter, she said. Now, only customers traveling with hand baggage can check in online.

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Ryanair Kills Airport Check-In Desks, Forces All Customers To Pay To Check In Online

Ryanair has finally taken the plunge and formally scrapped their airport check-in desks. This move was largely symbolic since the airline had already banned airport check-ins for tickets purchased after May. And yet, in what will come as a surprise to no one, they're still managing to alienate watchdog groups, anger customers, and come off as general asses.

The watchdog concerns have their roots in Ryanair's older policy of charging passengers for online check-in, a penalty that the airline inexplicably levies on people who make things more efficient and cost effective. Up until now travelers could still avoid the £5-£10 fee by checking in at the airport. Now they can't and that has some people upset.

But that's not our concern. Our concern is this guy:

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Ryanair Will Allow Smoking On Their Planes, If You Buy Their Brand

Well, we didn't have to wait very long for Ryanair to think up another crazy and controversial money-making scheme. Want to know what it is this time, now that they've already talked up paying to pee? Wait for it...wait for it...it's smoking on the plane!

That's right, one of the top behavioral rules of modern day air travel is being turned on its head by Ryanair, who are piloting the idea with their own brand of "Smokeless Cigarettes." What kind of crap are they trying to pull, exactly? Well, it seems that Ryanair took a survey of their passengers, according to USA Today, and found that some 24,000 professed an interest in smoking during flights. It did not however specify how many passengers were surveyed; 24,000 could be like a very low percentage, we have no idea.

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Ryanair Wants A Bigger Portion Of Aer Lingus's Irish Stew

Depending on your opinion of Ryanair, their newest move could either be awesome or a total disaster. The cheap, no frills airline is looking to buy their Irish pals at Aer Lingus. They’ve tried on and off since 2006 to take over the airline, but the Irish government and the European Union keep putting the kibosh on the deal.

Most recently, Ryanair head honcho Michael O’Leary stated that his airline would ultimately succeed in buying their rival. Aer Lingus doesn’t seem as opposed to the idea as they once were, and they might not have a choice since they’ve announced that they have a little problem with burning through their cash too quickly.

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Ryanair And EasyJet Already Greedily Eyeing SkyEurope's Old Routes

Even in the short run, SkyEurope's sudden bankruptcy and full-scale flight cancelation will impact more than the passengers whom the airline left stranded all over Europe. The now-defunct airline was routinely ranked as Eastern Europe's #1 low-cost carrier, somewhat because of its services but also because it crowded a lot of its competition out of the region. Now Ryanair and EasyJet, Europe's top two LCC's, are looking to swoop into the airports and routes that SkyEurope used to dominate.

Ryanair and EasyJet have long had sparse-to-no presence in Central Europe. Aside from the occasional WizzAir route, SkyEurope had a firm grip on Slovakia, Vienna, and Prague, taking up gates and undercutting other airlines' prices. Not any more:

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Is Ryanair Just Too Mean To Succeed In Canada?

Airline industry analysts are busying themselves by attempting to figure out if a LCC like Ryanair would fly in Canada, in more ways than one.

There are good arguments in favor of success; like Ryanair has an obnoxious habit of breaking into new markets, plus low-cost carriers are the only airlines not hemorrhaging money right now. But arguments against balance this out: Canada is a worst-case scenario for LCCs, with a huge amount of territory, a relatively low population density, and few secondary airports.

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British Airways Breaks New Advertising Ground, Puts Ads On Boarding Passes

Not content with being cheaper than Ryanair and reducing check-in allowances like Ryanair, British Airways is now following Ryanair's lead and plastering every last empty space with ads:

British Airways is trying to come up with a way to increase profit by becoming the first major European scheduled airline to sell advertising space on its own boarding passes. British Airways, which has already posted a £106 million net loss for the three months ending June 30, said that it is now actively seeking advertisers who wish to buy space on its boarding cards, as well as on its website.

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Ryanair Found To Be More Expensive Than British Airways On Some Routes

What we've always suspected, and yes—even feared—has happened: Ryanair has been proven to cost more than non-LCC airlines. CheapFlights investigates:

Ryanair is now more expensive on certain routes than full-service competitors such as British Airways, according to a report in The Sunday Times. The paper identified ten routes for which the low-cost carrier charges more than BA—three of which were more expensive even before surcharges were added. Researchers found that a family of four who travel to Ibiza in mid-August would pay £1,057 with Ryanair, compared to just £913.20 when flying with BA.

Well sure they cost more. But at least they also sneeringly insult their customers, deliberately enact obnoxious fees, and have an insane no checked bags policy. At least there's that!

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Ryanair Reports Major Profits Despite Hairbrained Schemes

All we ever hear from European low-cost carrier Ryanair is that they're either planning some crazy money-saving schemes like standing-only sections and paying to pee, or they've already gone and instituted price-gouging ideas like charging you $60 just to get your boarding pass.

Well apparently all of those extra fees before you even board the plane are really paying off, as Ryanair posted prpfits this quarter at 550 percent of those from last quarter. Altogether, they raked in some €136.5 million ($194.7 million) due to lower fuel costs and full or nearly full flights.

In fact, according to the The Independent, Ryanair is on track to continue whistling "Blue Skies" as they're on track to meet its target of 67 million passengers, having already flown over 16.6 million of them during this first, profitable quarter—the highest number of any European airline." Now you can no longer feel as though you are bankrupting Ryanair by scoring one of their many $1 dseart.

Related Stories:
· Profits Soar at Ryanair in spite of price war as fuel costs fall [The Independent]
· All Ryanair Coverage [Jaunted]

[Photo: paolo margari]

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From China to Ryanair: The Menace of Standing-Only Flights Spreads

It was a crazy idea floated around by Airbus back in 2003, and it's rearing its ugly head again, but this time as an actual desire of airlines; it's standing-room only seating, and will we ever hear the last of it?

Perhaps most anxious to inconvenience us further is the Chinese Spring Airlines, which has such an influx of passengers that instead of adding more flights by buying more planes, they've instead turned to Airbus to develop a way to pack those extra passengers on existing planes. The plan so far is even more of a cattle-call than trying to board a Southwest flight:

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