Here's a tip: When you find yourself assuring reporters that the $42,000 bronze monument you've put on display involves "no kitsch or obscenity," your art project was probably a bad idea. The statue in question is a tribute to the enema that was unveiled at a spa in the Russian city of Zheleznovodsk on Wednesday. The Botticelli-inspired monument depicts three cherubic little angles holding aloft a bronze syringe bulb that's used for anal cleansing.
The sculpture was presented to the public this weekend at a celebration featuring models and a banner bearing the charming Soviet slogan "Let's beat constipation and sloppiness with enemas." The owner of the spa said enemas are "almost a symbol" of the Caucasus, dotted as the region is with retreats offering visitors the opportunity to get local mineral water sprayed up their ass. (Hey, Zheleznovodsk does mean "Iron Waters.")
Maybe when the spa gang realizes how ridiculous this makes them look they can change that butt bulb into an onion?
A house in the suburbs of Moscow was hit with a nearly sixty pound bag of cement after the Russian Air Force dropped it in an attempt to control the weather. The house-bombing accident occurred while planes were trying to secure good weather in advance of Russia Day celebrations on June 12.
No one was injured by the falling concrete, but the house was badly damaged. Russian Air Force officials told Reuters:
A pack of cement used in creating ... good weather in the capital region ... failed to pulverize completely at high altitude and fell on the roof of a house, making a hole about 80-100 cm (2.5-3 ft)
The accident was apparently the first mishap in over twenty years of Russian weather control activities.
Russia's new plane, the Sukhoi Superjet, may be running behind schedule, but apparently it does actually fly. The manufacturers arranged the first test flight earlier this week in secret. The CEO said it was all hush-hush because:
The Superjet is our child, and its birth is sacred. A pregnant woman would never invite the press and guests to watch how she delivers her child.
Others suspect the company was afraid something would go wrong. The 75-95 seat planes are being produced to replace the Tu-134s used by some Russian airlines, since they're so noisy they've been banned from EU countries.
Aeroflot already has its hand up for the first Superjet, which now looks like it'll enter service in early 2009, at a cost of $29.9 million. That's one hell of an expensive child.
Buy a big drill, and everyone starts thinking you're going to dig a tunnel between two continents. That's what happened to Russian billionaire Roman Abramovich after he handed over $160 million for the biggest drill in the world.
We've been drooling over the idea of a US to Russia road trip ever since rumors began about the Bering Strait tunnel project a year ago. When Abramovich bought a massive drill last week, well, the rumors really started heating up.
But don't go booking your rental cars just yet. Apparently the real story is something closer to doing some infrastructure works around Sochi on the Black Sea, which will host the 2014 Winter Olympics. Nice, but nowhere near as exciting as a tunnel joining Russia and the United States. Perhaps we'll have to dig it ourselves.
Man, are we ever scared of the Russian Far East. We cower in fear when we fly over the Bering Sea on our trans-Pacific flights. Apparently it's not all nuclear waste and oil-soaked deep sea creatures over there, though, because Russia's Right Coast is just on fire for the 2008 summer season!
Strangely, we mourned for a second or two when adventure cruisers Quark Expeditions canceled their 2007 trip to the Russian Far East. Yes, we were morbidly ogling the itinerary. But picking up where Quark left off, Abercrombie & Kent has added a July sailing of its Clipper Odyssey ship from Alaska to the Russian abyss and back (if you're lucky).
And for the cruise-averse, Vladivostok Air will launch non-stop flights from Anchorage, AK, to Petropavlovsk, Russia, also in July. Scheduled passenger service between Alaska and Russia has previously been offered by Alaska Airlines and the mysterious Magadan Air.
Does the beautiful Russian city of St Petersburg need an incredibly tall tower? We don't think so--its skyline is beautiful as is--but gas giant Gazprom thinks otherwise. They're responsible for the new Okhta Tower.
The building, part of the Okhta Center, will stand taller than the Empire State Building at about 1,300 feet and 77 stories, and with St Petersburg's otherwise low-level skyline, it will truly stick out like a sore thumb. The design isn't bad--sleek and shiny--but seems better suited to Dubai than the Russian Paris.
If there's a good side to the Okhta Tower, it's that the building will be "the most environmentally sustainable tower in the world." A special construction of two double-glazed layers should mean it consumes half the energy of a normal building that size.
We've got an even better idea. Build a much, much smaller building, and the energy consumption will be even lower--and St Petersburg won't be spoiled before our next trip there.
We thought it was weird enough when a bunch of thieves stole a beach in Hungary last month. But head a bit further east and the criminals in Russia are even more heavyweight: They steal bridges.
The deal is that a gang of thieves in Khabarovsk worked through the night to dismantle and take away the 38-foot-long car bridge. This netted them about 200 tons of scrap metal which police figure they're planning to sell. To thwart a repeat offense, they're going to replace the bridge with a concrete version.
But imagine the surprise of locals last week when they drove along the road and got to the spot where the bridge had been just the day before. It was en route to a power station and it's unlikely that any tourists got caught out by the inconvenience of the sudden lack of a bridge, but it's food for thought. Any scrap metal enthusiasts out there want to try dismantling the Golden Gate or the Sydney Harbour Bridge without anyone noticing?
Not only is the Hermitage in St. Petersburg home to silver stealers and other intrigues, it's also easily one of the most fascinating collections of art in the world.
Every guide at the museum will tell you a different tale of how many lifetimes you'd need to see the entire collection if you stood before every piece for just 10 seconds, but fuzzy math aside, the point is clear. It's no wonder that a large proportion of the paintings and sculptures owned by the gallery are actually just stored in a warehouse waiting their turn to be on display.
For those who want to fit more into their lifetime, specialist tour agencies are now offering "privileged access tours"which will take you--for a price, of course--out to the Hermitage storerooms, into the Gold Treasure Rooms at the Winter Palace and on private viewings in other areas, too. You just have to lack an appreciation for art or you'll never get through the tour in time.
