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Is the World Cup Mascot an Abusive, Whore-Mongering Male Slut?
You know we love weird mascots from international sporting competitions here at Jaunted. Like Snow Job and Freezer Burn, or whatever the ice cube and snowball representing the 2006 Torino Olympics were called. Or the Cheburashka, a fuzzy fellow that became the mascot for the Russian delegation while they were at the Olympics. Now there's Goleo VI the lion (yes, he's the sixth in a line of Goleos), who is representing the 2006 World Cup, along with his constant companion, Pille the talking football.
Unlike other cute mascots, Goleo suffered quite a bit in his mascot life, according to his official biography on the FIFA web site. Born in Botswana, he strayed from his family as a child and was caught by poachers. However, when he was being smuggled back to Germany, he befriended the benevolent sea captain, and lived aboard the ship until he grew into an adult and moved to Hamburg.
Perhaps because of this difficult upbringing, we are a little concerned about Goleo--we think he might have some self-destructive tendencies. To wit, here are some gems from Goleo's bio:
--Hamburg, where Goleo lived for many years, is famous for having a healthy population of whores.
--Goleo only lives in hotels since he moved out of Hamburg. Who is he, Charlie Sheen?
--When Pille and Goleo are together, "if a third party enters the scene, they are a true double-act." Hmm. Kinky.
--FIFA says that he "hates fishnet stockings", that he "appeals to his many female fans" and that he "enjoys the best clubs". So he's something of a male slut.
Also, his best friend is a soccer ball that he repeatedly kicks in the face. That's a messed up friendship, if you ask us. Goleo, don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it! We're here for you.
Related Stories:
· Fuzzy Imps of Destruction [Jaunted]
· The Cold Shoulder [Jaunted]
· Goleo VI: The Official Mascot [FIFA]
