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Hey Upper East Siders, Got A Better Spinoff Idea?

Don't do it! Normally we love more of a good thing, but we just can't get behind the planned "Gossip Girl" spinoff as it was revealed to the press this week.

The CW has been fending off rumors about a spinoff of the attention-getting but ratings-challenged show about Upper East Side teenagers, but the race was on after it was leaked that one of the nine major characters would be involved. And they will, just not in this era: The new show, as yet untitled, will feature the characters of Lily and Rufus as they were in their freewheelin' teen years, about which we know that Rufus was a musician, Lily was a ballerina/party girl and (spoiler for this week's episode!) at some point they had a kid.

The benefit of this new series is that a "backdoor pilot" wouldn't really be necessary--we've already heard about their supposedly legendary love affair in the late '80s. The drawback is, we're tired of Lily and Rufus already--even though this week's episode saw them go from about to be happy at last (now that Lily's husband has kicked it) to forever doomed.

Taylor Momsen's Jenny Humphrey was previously considered as the leading candidate, since in the books Jenny goes off to boarding school (and snags a YA series of her own called "The It Girl"). That would have solved what to do with her now that she has dropped out of school, lost her internship and seen her collection destroyed. In the comments, give us your pitch for a "Gossip Girl" spinoff, bearing in mind that Dorota already got her own Webisodes.

Related Stories:
· This Week's Gossip Girl Episode [Jaunted]
· 'Gossip Girl' spinoff in development [Variety.com]
· Details of the "Gossip Girl" spinoff released [FOX News]
· Gossip Girl webisodes to feature... Dorota [Jaunted]

[Photo of Lily and Rufus from last year's season finale: Daemons TV]

Tags: Gossip Girl / Gossip-Girl-Map / Ed Westwick / Leighton Meester / Kelly Rutherford / Matthew Settle / Blake Lively / → All Tags

I'll Hold Back Your Hair

Previously: Bart was rushing to reclaim his wifey at the ball, where Blair and Chuck were concluding again that they can't be together and Serena and Dan were reminiscing about their first night together. Lily had just decided to leave him when...

We all mourn in our own ways. While Bart Bass, who had "more towers than Trump, more bucks than Bloomberg," merited both the front page of the New York Journal and the news box on Gossip Girl, he apparently didn't rate a tearful hospital scene. Instead, we dip into the Upper East Side apartments where the grieving is being done, in whatever forms it takes. Lily's mom CeCe is drinking gin with breakfast, Blair is actually eating something (bagels and lox with Cyrus, specifically) and Lily is running a zillion errands, including sneaking off into the park to meet Rufus. "I'm waiting for you this time," Rufus says. "Six months, six years, I'll be here."

And a super-wasted Chuck meets with the private investigator who, if he was in the accident with Bart, escaped with nary a scratch. He's angry at Lily, because "Bitch is the reason my father is dead," but the PI still has one secret left to sell about Lily and the hospital--and before he died, Bart left her a voicemail confirming that he knew.

At the funeral, Dan and Aaron decide to compete over who's better for Serena. Jenny shows up to support Eric (his ex-boyfriend shows later), and Nate shows up to literally support Chuck, who is drunk and throws Dan out and yells at Lily, "Don't touch me, whore."

We don't see the actual funeral, but at the wake, Cyrus decides he can't wait any longer to marry Eleanor (and Jenny happens to be around in time to offer to make a suit for a ceremony the night after). Aaron buys Serena a ticket to Buenos Aires for Christmas but she's not sure she wants to go. (Look, no one turns down a free trip to Argentina. We'd even go with Creepy Aaron.) And Lily slaps Chuck after he says Bart's blood is on her hands.

Before the wedding, Dan finally gets up the nerve to ask Serena not to go to Argentina with her boyfriend, but it's too late--and Serena already knows that Lily's in love with Rufus and feels they deserve to be together. And in this ceremony, there are no surprises... except the presence of this bridesmaid:

DOROTA!!!! Is there anything she can't do?

After brushing off Blair's plea that she loves him, Chuck won the bidding war for Lily's secret after CeCe refused to bid. Lily comes to confront Chuck about it and beg him not to damage her last chance at happiness.

At long last, he decides to burn the report. Thank goodness there are copies somewhere. And... finally! He goes to Blair, not because he's drunk or because someone else has her, but because he knows she truly loves him. But he doesn't stay, for that is the Way of the Chuck.

CeCe goes to see Rufus in Brooklyn and tells him "the real problem" is that Lily needs to tell him the secret before they can be happy. Once he finds out, he tells Dan, "I will never be with Lily." Rufus even goes to meet her in Grand Central Station to say to her, "Just tell me one thing. Is it a boy or a girl?"

We too are in mourning, for this is likely the last new "Gossip Girl" before 2009. Till then, we'll be whipping up some things for our couture lines and looking for Chuck's burlesque club. You know you love us... XOXO, Jaunted.

One-Liners of the Week:

"Nobody's comforted by a tuna tower!" - Lily

"You think I care about your failed attempt at investigative journalism?" - Chuck, to Dan

"I've just spent too much time with Cyrus and I'm turning Jewish." - Blair, on why she feels the need to comfort Chuck

"So I guess the first time we'll sleep together will be on an airplane." - Creepy Aaron (who else?)

Related Stories:
· Last Week: Smile and Fake It [Jaunted]
· Two Weeks Ago: You Have A Family That Fights For You [Jaunted]
· Gossip Girl Map [Jaunted]

Tags: Gossip Girl / Gossip Girl Travel / Gossip-Girl-Map / Leighton Meester / Ed Westwick / Taylor Momsen / Kelly Rutherford / → All Tags

Smile and Fake It

Previously: The Van der Woodsens fled to Brooklyn for Thanksgiving, Vanessa pretended not to compete with Jenny for Nate's attentions and Aaron decides to be a one-woman man for Serena.

It's time for the Senior Snowflake Charity Ball! And everyone is whipped up into a frenzy about it. Serena and Dan have both decided to go solo... then Aaron's ex Lexi (Natalie Knepp, new enough to the scene that she still has a Facebook page under her real name!) shows up and makes things super awkward. Aaron is able to purchase Serena's cooperation by agreeing to go to the ball with her, but Lexi takes a shine to Dan and decides to accompany him... and she sleeps with guys on the first date. So Serena decides to sleep with Aaron afterwards too. Ooh, competitive sex!

Lily and Bart still haven't made up from their little Thanksgiving spat. Lily doesn't seem that concerned about it, but Bart assures her that he fired the private investigator. Too bad in an easily accessible drawer she discovers this invoice:

It's funny that he's tracking Aaron, but who's Jonathan Henry? And how do we get into this business?

Jenny isn't even going to the ball, nor is she re-enrolled in school, but she gets drawn into the drama anyway. After she finds out that Vanessa is sneaking away to see Nate on Gossip Girl, she helps junior meanie Penelope sabotage V. by giving her a dress that oh-so-happens to be see-through when you shine a light on it. Preparing to re-enter the world of Constance Billiard, perhaps?

And without the slightest compulsion to go with anyone else, Blair and Chuck decide to pick each other's dates for a little friendly wager. If Chuck likes his date, Blair gets the Sex Limo for a month. If Blair likes hers, Chuck gets Dorota's services. Blair enlists Dorota to find some girls ("On Facebook! I joined a bunch of groups!") who look just like her... not that any girl could replace her in Chuck's heart.

Finally, the ball! And the decor looks just like that gallery room where Dan and Serena slept together for the first time, which must be why that night is on their minds. After an awkward conversation, Dan tells her that no matter what he does with Lexi, that was "the greatest night of my life." And Serena agrees! Man, they are so not over each other.

Jenny's little sting works on Vanessa, but not to the effects she intended: The humiliation happens, but J. is caught at the last minute trying to stop Vanessa, putting her once again out of the mean girl circle. (She then threatens to return to school, which... is a given, right?) And even though Nate finds out about the letter Vanessa kept from Jenny, he still wants to be with his sweet Brooklynite, even though the costume designers continue to put her in hoop earrings. Seriously, what is with the hoop earrings? They are not edgy and they're a lazy trademark for a character who would be too cool to wear them in real life.

Blair and Chuck's plan also backfires, but hilariously! See, Blair found Chuck a faux-Blair, and Chuck found Blair a faux-Chuck. How close are they?

Who knew there were Bass knockoffs out there? That's the only kind we can afford... Then the doppelgangers make out, which only makes Blair angry because even they can work it out while she and Chuck can't. Chuck just looks into the distance and manages to make an Elvis-style sparkly jacket look hot. Oh, Chuck.

And Lily and Rufus are supposed to be chaperoning this business, but instead she's obsessing about her divorce and he's trying to express to her why he didn't try to stop the marriage. But meanwhile, across town, Bart is racing to her side... until he gets into an accident. And that's where it ends -- damn you, writers! Where is our comeuppance?

Related Stories:
· Last Week: "You Have A Family That Fights For You" [Jaunted]
· Two Weeks Ago: "That Tiny Man Must Have Some Big Secret" [Jaunted]
· Last Year's Ball: Lonelyboy Versus The Blueblood [Jaunted]

Tags: Gossip Girl Travel / Gossip-Girl-Map / Leighton Meester / Ed Westwick / Kelly Rutherford / Jessica Szohr / → All Tags

Gossip Girl Travel: Zero to Brady in Sixty Seconds

Find "Chuck in Real Life" with our Gossip Girl Map.

Previously: Blair was pretty well chuffed when she discovered that her boyfriend was sleeping with his stepmom; Nate and Dan became fast friends at Yale. Is Chuck "A New Lonelyboy"? Is Gossip Girl high right now?

Bart Bass is back in town and he's determined that his high society family look like the picture of closeness for their housewarming party (at which, coincidentally, some Midwestern investors with a premium on family values will be in attendance). For Serena, Erik and Chuck, that means new rules which for normal teenagers would be no big deal. But how can you expect Manhattan's elite to not go out on school nights? And a curfew? The horror... the horror.

more ›

Tags: Celeb Travel / Gossip Girl / Television Travel / TV Travel / Kelly Rutherford / Connor Paolo / → All Tags

Spotted: E and L Out on the Town

You can tell that Connor "Eric Van Der Woodsen" Paolo and Kelly "Lily Bass" Rutherford aren't mother and son in real life, because he just doesn't look sheepish enough about accompanying her to the Step UP Women's Network Inspiration Awards in Beverly Hills this weekend. (Unexpected bonus: No awkward family dinners where your sister's friend tells Mom you're gay!)

Rutherford was being honored for her work with the charity, which funds women's health programs and professional development for underprivileged girls. So how is Eric spending his summer vacation? Well, given that he attends the Professional Performing Arts high school in Manhattan along with "GG" costar Taylor Momsen, maybe he deserves a break from studying and working. (The school counts Claire Danes and Alicia Keys among its alums.)

Related Stories:
· Visiting The Gossip Girl Set [HC]
· Gossip Girl: Now You Know How Vanessa Hudgens Feels [Jaunted]
· Gossip Girl coverage [Jaunted]
· Celeb Travel coverage [Jaunted]

[Photo: Ocean Up]