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I Don't Want That... Feeling

Previously: Whitney moved to New York City for her own show, er, for her Australian man and new job; Heidi and Spencer got pre-divorced. This season, "I almost lost one friend over a boy and one friend over a rumor..." Oh, remember Duh Doug? Those were the days.

It's the season finale, so for once we're doing this in order instead of creatively rearranging it. (What? It's Christmas!) Heidi's at work preparing for the SLS Hotel opening where she manages to casually drop in that, while her coworker was on vacation in Kona, she was on vacation in Mexico... and got hitched. Brent Bolthouse's expression is priceless.

LC and Lo are going to the SLS Hotel opening party too, even though they're apprehensive about running into Heidi. But that totally won't happen, right? Hmm...

Meanwhile, JustinBobby is taking Audrina to a swank hotel, where they are drinking. Oh noes! Another wedding?! (Spot the major continuity error where the happy couple is whizzing down the street and JustinBobby's muscle shirt magically appears as soon as they step into the hotel.)

Heidi's mom magically stops by the apartment to hear if, you know, she and Spencer have anything going on. About anything. Naturally, she tries to put on a brave face for Heidi but she's really upset that she doesn't get to be a part of her daughter's wedding. We have to say--Momzilla? Yoo hoo? But Spencer actually looks like he's listening a little bit, so maybe the crying works on him.

As seen in last week's preview, JustinBobby gives Audrina a ring... a piece of metal that looks like a very cheap key ring, which he puts on her finger right after taking it out of his mouth. Romantic! It's not a proposal, though, as much as the screaming banshees of "The Hills Aftershow" at Tavern on the Green would have it so. (And seriously, girls: What? We're still bitter because our invites were lost in the mail, but really, you're encouraging this unholy union?)

Finally, at the party, Heidi and Lauren talk face to face for the first time in what feels like forever. Wow, it's as awkward as if they broke up! Heidi even asks Lauren if she's working out. They don't close the door to getting back together, but they don't seem to have anything in common now.

And speaking of Heidi, despite her mom forbidding them to make it legal, Spence and Heidz are off to the courthouse with Stephanie in tow as the witness. Only--and this was the one surprise of the hour--they don't actually get married. At the last second, Spencer dramatically pulls back and he declares that he wants to do the wedding right and make peace with her family. So if two morons say wedding vows to each other in a foreign country, do we care any more?

Related Stories:
· Last Week: I'll Show You What A Wife Does [Jaunted]
· Heidi and Spencer's Wedding: What Kind of Fakery Is This? [Jaunted]
· Celeb Travel coverage [Jaunted]

Dude! Sweet! / The Hills / Brody Jenner / Spencer Pratt / Lauren Conrad / Hills-Season-4-Map / → All Tags

Brody Jenner's Reality Show Lives

We didn't mean to make it "Hills" week on Jaunted, but the awesomeness keeps showing up unbidden. The latest news: A Christmas miracle--Brody Jenner's long-awaited reality show "Bromance," which we just wished for this week, will premiere December 29 alongside "The City."

The setup: Ever since Brody fell out with Spencer, there's been an opening in his "family" of bros. So now 9 guys will compete to see who has the best bromance with him and subsequently join his entourage. It's just like "Paris Hilton's My New BFF," except none of the contestants are nicknamed "Bikini Corrie." From the trailer, it looks like they'll be judged on their answers to an LC-given questionnaire, their tolerance for creepy animals in the middle of the night and their Slip'n'Slide prowess. And of course, there is crying.

Notably absent from "Bromance" is Duh Doug, Lauren's flame from earlier this season who also went out on a date with Stephanie. But lately he's been seen out with Amanda Bynes (formerly of Nickelodeon, also "Hairspray"). Do we need her to inject some D-list wattage into "The Hills"? Maybe so!

Related Stories:
· This Week's Hills: "Disgusting and Embarrassing" [Jaunted]
· Bromance Premieres December 29 [Brody Jenner's Blog]
· Amanda Bynes On The Hills Girls' Baseball Cast-Off [Socialite Life]
· Celeb Travel coverage [Jaunted]

The Hils / The-Hills-Season-4-Map / Hills-Season-4-Map / Lauren Conrad / Audrina Partridge / TV Travel / → All Tags

What Is There To Talk About?

Previously: Heidi got her job back (fake!); Holly started crashing at the Chatheau, and Audrina was happy. Not for long!

Hey, it's a big game of telephone this week! Audrina heard from her friend Dino ("who I've known for, like, two years") that Lauren and JustinBobby hooked up. And, because we're in Hillsland, she believed it.

"I started laughing when she asked me," Lauren told Lo. In fact, she's insulted because Audrina called her "shady" and slutty, and told all their mutual friends like Speak Truth To Power Brody.

Lauren: "Yes, I couldn't resist his charm and his manners and his hygiene. I was under the JustinBobby spell."

Then... hey! Audrina came back to the Chatheau and said, "You need to, like, converse with me." Because Lauren wouldn't deny it again, Audrina turned on her heels and walked out. She still hasn't talked to JustinBobby about it, although she keeps calling him to check on "all the things that people keep putting in my ear." And in the most obvious Hills sound cue since ever, the song that plays right after that message goes "You may have reasons to ignore what you're hearing." And we say: Yes.

When Audrina finally meets with JustinBobby... well, surprise. He gets mad at the fact that she would even believe it and leave him a passel of angry messages. Are we on the same side as HatHead? Oh, how times have changed.

Audrina's sister Casey: "Are you going to apologize?" Audrina: "What's there to apologize about?"

So their scheduled barside peace summit devolves into a shouting match that culminates in Lauren saying, "I would rather kill myself than hook up with him," and saying Audrina is "way worse than Heidi." Oh, the things we say in anger!

Meanwhile, in Heidiwood, Holly or "Little Miss Traitor" came by to visit, but only Spencer was there. "That's one thing Heidi and I definitely have in common is unloyal sisters," Spencer told her, implying that her own sister wouldn't see her. Hey, is this a test?

So Holly went to see Heidi in the one place Spencer never goes: Work! "I've never felt so unwelcome and unwanted," Holly said, but Heidi is still mad that she took up Lauren's offer. But really, the problem here is Spencer, who "forgot" to tell Heidi that her sister stopped by. And is a huge jerk anyway. And that's all we get from our favorite newlyweds.

Next week: All over but the white flag wavin' as Stephanie and Spencer reunite (is that Grandma Pratt? Let it be so!) and Audrina finds it within herself to apologize.

Related Stories:
· Last Week: I'm Gonna Get You Out Of The Clubs [Jaunted]
· Two Weeks Ago: Whitney Port, Modelizer [Jaunted]
· Celeb Travel coverage [Jaunted]

Hills-Season-4-Map / Whitney Port / Lauren Conrad / The Hills / Celeb Travel / Television Travel / New York City / Diane von Furstenberg / → All Tags

OMG! "Hills" Spinoff Preview Surfaces on Aftershow

We almost never watch "The Hills" Aftershow, an MTV.com feature in which one of the cast members from "The Hills" basically refutes everything we just saw with our own eyes. But if we had last night, we would've caught this preview for the long-awaited Whitney Port spin-off, still burdened with the name "The City" but peopled with Manhattan socialite Olivia Palermo, soon-to-be-former boss Kelly Cutrone and Diane von Furstenberg.

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