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Who's Your Poppy? Gossip Girl Goes Ponzi Scheme

May 5, 2009 at 10:31 AM | by JetSetCD | 0 Comments

Go to that one place where your friend knows the manager with our Gossip Girl Map.

Previously: Georgina is back! Apparently her new role on Gossip Girl is to fulfill a certain quota of Jesus mentions per episode, because the majority of her lines in both last week's and this week's episodes involve her naming Mr. Christ as her leader down the road of goodness. In the mean time, Serena is trying to recoup the investor's money lost to boyfriend Madoff Gabriel by pretending she's pregnant to get him to come around again. Also, Blair is on the fence about whether to throw herself at Chuck again or fall in with Nate for good by making the leap to live together.

Currently: In a cab on the Queensboro Bridge, heading back into the city with Georgina, Chuck both literally and figuratively re-enters the muck of Manhattan. In yet another symbolic twist, Serena is gifted her grandmother's bracelet by her mom, tying her closer into the van der Woodsen family and setting up neat plot twists to come.

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'What The Hell Is Butter?'

Where: 415 Lafayette St. [map], New York, NY, United States
April 28, 2009 at 10:26 AM | by egw | 1 Comment

Go to that one place where your friend knows the manager with our Gossip Girl Map.

Previously: Serena met a nice boy who remembered her from her wild days and liked her anyway; Blair and Nate broke up but got back together again, since neither of them could really figure out what to do otherwise.

Finally, the geocentric episode of Gossip Girl we've all been waiting for! Our favorite Upper East Siders didn't go to NoHo restaurant and nightclub Butter this week but it became the proof that Serena's new golden boy Gabriel was more than a little bit tarnished.

Here's how it went down: Gabriel seemed like the perfect guy but he was always mysteriously disappearing! Blair and Chuck teamed up to do some recon and found out something funny: Gabriel claimed to have met Serena and Georgina at Butter last year, but Butter was closed that night because Blair hired the bartender to perform at a party to sabotage Nelly Yuki (see "He Broke Up With Me At A Flo Rida Concert!"). Serena didn't accept this proof until she tricked Gabriel during pillow talk by showing he didn't know Georgina at all.

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The Gossip Girl Tour Bus Should Just Stick to Season One Hangouts

April 21, 2009 at 12:31 PM | by egw | 0 Comments

We know that the upcoming Gossip Girl Tour is limited for several reasons (specifically: 5) but as Season 2 continues with its frantic storylines, we advise On Location Tours to just stick to the good-ole hangouts of Season 1.

Previously: 800 years ago, Chuck tried to hook up with Jenny; Blair found herself scant on college options; Serena ran off to Spain with Poppy and Blair reunited with Nate.

We'll just cut to the chase and point out that this episode ends with an orgy of apologies. Given what happened to Bart Bass, we can only assume everyone on the show is now going to die, to which we say: Don't you dare, Show. That is not a good way to write around the fact that many of your main characters are about to graduate from high school.

Onto the drama.

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It's So Hard Finding Obedient Minions

January 13, 2009 at 9:16 AM | by egw | 4 Comments

Previously: Uncle Jack shows up, ostensibly to help out Chuck at this difficult time. Rufus and Lily grapple with the knowledge that they have a son, a secret Dan is forced to keep from Serena, and Blair tries to get into High Society.

In between last week's recap and this week's, we discovered our mom was watching "Gossip Girl" on DVD, in which teenagers do everything we weren't allowed to do in high school. Mom's taste runs more to "Grey's Anatomy" and "Pushing Daisies" than "90210" or "The OC," but we applaud her for trying new and potentially unsettling things. "I mean honestly," she asked, "are there 16- or 17-year-olds who drink constantly?" And she wasn't even referring to Chuck!

If we were going through what our favorite Upper East Siders went through this week, we'd probably be drinking way more. At the reading of Bart's will, Chuck discovers he will own the majority of Bass Industries--while his uncle gets Australia. Er, the Australian division.

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Where In The World Is Chuck Bass?

January 6, 2009 at 9:15 AM | by egw | 2 Comments

Previously: Bart Bass kicked it, making Chuck angry, Blair ready to say "I love you," Serena conflicted (but still jetting off to Brazil Argentina (thanks, eagle-eyed tipster!) with Aaron) and Lily and Rufus alone again after the revelation that they had a kid (!).

It's a new year! But the whole crowd is falling back into its old ways. Blair is getting manic about social conquest--this week, being accepted into the exclusive Colony Club. After breaking up with Aaron on the plane to Rio, Serena and Dan are back together. Jenny is back at Constance Billiard, hopefully with a backbone this time, and Chuck Bass evidently spent the hiatus smoking hash with Thai hookers.

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Smile and Fake It

Where: New York, NY
December 2, 2008 at 9:15 AM | by egw | 0 Comments

Previously: The Van der Woodsens fled to Brooklyn for Thanksgiving, Vanessa pretended not to compete with Jenny for Nate's attentions and Aaron decides to be a one-woman man for Serena.

It's time for the Senior Snowflake Charity Ball! And everyone is whipped up into a frenzy about it. Serena and Dan have both decided to go solo... then Aaron's ex Lexi (Natalie Knepp, new enough to the scene that she still has a Facebook page under her real name!) shows up and makes things super awkward. Aaron is able to purchase Serena's cooperation by agreeing to go to the ball with her, but Lexi takes a shine to Dan and decides to accompany him... and she sleeps with guys on the first date. So Serena decides to sleep with Aaron afterwards too. Ooh, competitive sex!

Lily and Bart still haven't made up from their little Thanksgiving spat. Lily doesn't seem that concerned about it, but Bart assures her that he fired the private investigator. Too bad in an easily accessible drawer she discovers this invoice:

It's funny that he's tracking Aaron, but who's Jonathan Henry? And how do we get into this business?

Jenny isn't even going to the ball, nor is she re-enrolled in school, but she gets drawn into the drama anyway. After she finds out that Vanessa is sneaking away to see Nate on Gossip Girl, she helps junior meanie Penelope sabotage V. by giving her a dress that oh-so-happens to be see-through when you shine a light on it. Preparing to re-enter the world of Constance Billiard, perhaps?

And without the slightest compulsion to go with anyone else, Blair and Chuck decide to pick each other's dates for a little friendly wager. If Chuck likes his date, Blair gets the Sex Limo for a month. If Blair likes hers, Chuck gets Dorota's services. Blair enlists Dorota to find some girls ("On Facebook! I joined a bunch of groups!") who look just like her... not that any girl could replace her in Chuck's heart.

Finally, the ball! And the decor looks just like that gallery room where Dan and Serena slept together for the first time, which must be why that night is on their minds. After an awkward conversation, Dan tells her that no matter what he does with Lexi, that was "the greatest night of my life." And Serena agrees! Man, they are so not over each other.

Jenny's little sting works on Vanessa, but not to the effects she intended: The humiliation happens, but J. is caught at the last minute trying to stop Vanessa, putting her once again out of the mean girl circle. (She then threatens to return to school, which... is a given, right?) And even though Nate finds out about the letter Vanessa kept from Jenny, he still wants to be with his sweet Brooklynite, even though the costume designers continue to put her in hoop earrings. Seriously, what is with the hoop earrings? They are not edgy and they're a lazy trademark for a character who would be too cool to wear them in real life.

Blair and Chuck's plan also backfires, but hilariously! See, Blair found Chuck a faux-Blair, and Chuck found Blair a faux-Chuck. How close are they?

Who knew there were Bass knockoffs out there? That's the only kind we can afford... Then the doppelgangers make out, which only makes Blair angry because even they can work it out while she and Chuck can't. Chuck just looks into the distance and manages to make an Elvis-style sparkly jacket look hot. Oh, Chuck.

And Lily and Rufus are supposed to be chaperoning this business, but instead she's obsessing about her divorce and he's trying to express to her why he didn't try to stop the marriage. But meanwhile, across town, Bart is racing to her side... until he gets into an accident. And that's where it ends -- damn you, writers! Where is our comeuppance?

Related Stories:
· Last Week: "You Have A Family That Fights For You" [Jaunted]
· Two Weeks Ago: "That Tiny Man Must Have Some Big Secret" [Jaunted]
· Last Year's Ball: Lonelyboy Versus The Blueblood [Jaunted]

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You Have A Family That Fights For You

November 18, 2008 at 9:20 AM | by egw | 0 Comments

Previously: Serena let herself be talked into an open relationship (which on this show is apparently code for "white slavery") with Creepy Aaron; Bart Bass tried to hide his wife's scandalous past; Jenny contemplated divorcing her parents; and Captain Archibald fled the country. "Nate the Not So Great"? It's not like it was his fault!

Who is that man with the cowl neck?

Four tales of family dysfunction here unfold, but only one of them involves the FBI. Captain Archibald is secretly back from Dominica and he wants Nate and his mum to go to the island with him. Or does he?! After Vanessa has a run-in with an FBI agent, Nate finds out his dad is actually planning to hold them hostage in exchange for money from his Vanderbilt grandparents to keep living on the lam. "If you can't do the right thing, I can't respect you," Nate tells his dad, for the benefit of Chace Crawford's Emmy reel. "You be a man and turn yourself in when they get here."

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That Tiny Man Must Have Some Big Secret

November 11, 2008 at 9:21 AM | by egw | 0 Comments

Don't get caught in your own "Bonfire of the Vanity." Know where you're headed with our Gossip Girl Map.

Previously: Jenny moved out to focus on her career as a designer and Serena met Creepy Aaron.

Blair's birthday party last year featured sake shots and Guitar Hero. This year's affair seemed like a stuffy meet'n'greet in comparison, except for...

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You Have To Admire Her Determination

November 4, 2008 at 9:15 AM | by egw | 2 Comments

"There Might Be Blood" but there's always drama where "Gossip Girl" looks. Keep it down to a level you can maintain with our Gossip Girl Map.

Previously: Nate took up residence with the Humphreys and kissed Jenny, who quit her job under the influence of Bad Model Agnes. And speaking of bad influences, Blair spent an entire show trying to get Chuck to sleep with her but eventually concludes (more on his side than hers) that they can't be together. Meanwhile, Serena meets a new guy--oh please oh please, let him have a dark sketchy past!

She's dropped out of school. She's dropped out of work. What's Jenny's next big plan for world domination? Staging a guerrilla fashion show by paying an unplanned visit to an Upper East Side gala. (She sneaks in by giving the name "Erica Van Der Woodsen"... because "sometimes they forget the A." Well played.) After kissing her, Nate is AWOL, but there's no time to dwell on it with a whole collection to plan.

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I Waited on the Helipad for You

October 28, 2008 at 9:30 AM | by egw | 4 Comments

"Gossip Girl" wardrobes have you feeling like "Pret-a-Poor-J"? Shop with the best with our Gossip Girl Map.

Previously: Blair can't bring herself to say "I love you" to Chuck; Jenny quits school to work at the Eleanor Waldorf atelier full-time, and Nate temporarily moves in with the Humphreys.

We never really understood the parental objections to "Gossip Girl" until the opening of this week's episode, in which Blair is... hmm... "reminiscing" about good times in the limo with Chuck when Dorota comes in to wake her up. "I'll be down in a minute," she calls, "I just have to finish something." Hey parents, have you talked to your kids about sex?

But to paraphrase "Romeo and Juliet," what satisfaction canst Blair and Chuck have? Only the knowledge that the world might end if they actually got together.

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Gossip Girl Travel: Zero to Brady in Sixty Seconds

October 21, 2008 at 9:22 AM | by egw | 0 Comments

Find "Chuck in Real Life" with our Gossip Girl Map.

Previously: Blair was pretty well chuffed when she discovered that her boyfriend was sleeping with his stepmom; Nate and Dan became fast friends at Yale. Is Chuck "A New Lonelyboy"? Is Gossip Girl high right now?

Bart Bass is back in town and he's determined that his high society family look like the picture of closeness for their housewarming party (at which, coincidentally, some Midwestern investors with a premium on family values will be in attendance). For Serena, Erik and Chuck, that means new rules which for normal teenagers would be no big deal. But how can you expect Manhattan's elite to not go out on school nights? And a curfew? The horror... the horror.

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Gossip Girl Travel: You've Slept With More Maxim Covers Than John Mayer

October 14, 2008 at 9:20 AM | by egw | 0 Comments

"New Haven Can Wait"--take New York in our Gossip Girl Map.

Previously: Serena became the toast of New York after appearing in Blair's mom's fashion show and Jenny decided to drop out of school to work at the atelier.

College trip! The richest kids in town are all off to Yale University to hopefully peek into their futures--of ruling the school (Blair), becoming a great writer (Dan) and sleeping with horny women's studies majors (Chuck).

Serena wasn't even going to hit Yale--she's more of a Brown girl--but she decides to go just to screw Blair out of the spot she thinks she deserves. And it's not going to go as well as the time they were 9 and tackled Chuck Schumer's daughter at the Harvard-Yale game.

This episode forced us to suspend our disbelief more than any other, not least because the Yale sections were clearly filmed at Columbia. And yet... it's comforting to know that when it comes to college, even Manhattan socialites don't have it easy.

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