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Shamu Gets Revenge As Man Is Tasered At SeaWorld

May 4, 2009 at 9:33 AM | by kjb | 1 Comment

Shamu and friends sure mean business when someone tries to invade their turf without paying the cover charge. Last week, a “sweaty, shirtless” man tried to make his way into SeaWorld in Orlando while fully strung out on LSD.

Apparently seduced by thoughts of the big whale and plain enticed by the idea of experiencing sea life while tripping, he made his way onto the compound and was caught last Tuesday using the top to a recycling bin as a makeshift shield.

Thanks to the vigilance of an off-duty officer who saw what this guy was trying to do, the ardent Shamu fan was spotted and tackled. The restored peace at Sea World lasted but a minute as even with a park employee sitting on the offender’s legs, he managed to break free. That’s when Shamu called in the use of force, and the perpetrator was shocked several times with the dreaded stun gun.

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If You Wear These Shoes, The Terrorists Have Already Won

April 14, 2009 at 2:41 PM | by Omri | 3 Comments

Originally this post was just going to be a picture of these monstrosities and the word "NO" underlined, bolded, and italicized. But during the editing process we realized that a post like that could come off as condescending or off-putting, and nothing could be farther from our intentions. So how about this:

Instead of wearing these things, in public or otherwise, how about you don't wear them?

How does that sound?

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Polar Bears Attack Woman Seeking Knut in Berlin Zoo

Where: Hardenbergplatz 8, Berlin, Germany, 10787
April 13, 2009 at 8:41 AM | by juliana | 1 Comment

While we often joke here at Jaunted headquarters about appeasing the animal overlords that will one day rule the earth, there is nothing funny about a woman who hopped a fence on Friday at the polar bear habitat at the Berlin Zoo and was promptly mauled by three bears who share the space with former child star, Knut.

The unidentified woman took great effort to get into the habitat, scaling a fence, a line of hedges and a wall before diving into the bears' pool. She appeared to be laughing and happy as she splashed in the water toward one of the big bears, [Daily Mail of London] said.

The woman survived, suffering bite marks on her legs, arms and buttocks. She is currently being hospitalized and there is no word if the woman, believed to be mentally ill, will face any criminal charges. Knut, in case you are wondering, did not participate in the attack on the woman.

Related Stories:
· Polar Bear Nightmare [NY Post]
· Zookeepers rescue woman from polar bear mauling [Times UK]
· Berlin Zoo [Official Site]

[Photo via NY Post]

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Handshaking Abroad: Know What the First Lady Didn't

April 2, 2009 at 4:34 PM | by egw | 1 Comment

Now we know why our invite to Buckingham Palace keeps getting lost in the mail: First Lady Michelle Obama unwittingly exposed the British taboo against touching the queen, causing cultural critics to bemoan the end of friendship between both copies but ultimately resorting in nothing worse than a string of adorable photos.

The Obamas arrived in London this week bearing gifts (including an iPod for Her Majesty) and plans for the forthcoming G-20 Meeting. As the First Lady met the Queen, she curtsied, but then shook her hand firmly, a huge no-no. And later, when posing for pictures, she even touched the Queen. But soon enough they had their arms around each other's backs like old camp buddies, and other world leaders were jealous.

Is the take-away here that the Obamas, unlike most travelers, can do anything they want abroad and still be adored? Hardly; it only takes one disastrous state dinner to ruin his international face. But here's what Michelle Obama didn't do: Get flustered and over-apologize. Maybe she had words with the queen, but she treated her with the same warmth and grace that she treats everyone. And hey, at least it wasn't a fistbump moment again.

Still, we say you should always be prepared to know what's acceptable in terms of hand-shaking abroad and what's not--provided that you aren't meeting royalty or germaphobes.

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Michael Phelps Should Probably Not Go To Vegas Anymore Either

February 11, 2009 at 8:49 AM | by egw | 0 Comments

Just when we thought it was okay to get angry at the octuplet mom instead, more details about Olympian Michael Phelps' trip to South Carolina. Now we know not only has the swimming champ enjoyed some wacky tobaccy, he is a horrible gambler.

At the same University of South Carolina party where he was snapped breathing in the questionable fumes, Phelpsie put down $2,000 on a beer-pong game... and lost. Whether these two events are related is not clear, but let's hope he didn't meet his Las Vegas-based girlfriend by trying to impress her at the tables.

Frankly, if all the pot-smokers we know lost their jobs, it would have a greater effect on our circle than the recession has so far. But we're fascinated by the idea that, without the bong hits, Phelps might have won every single event at the Beijing Olympics -- singlehandedly! The Australia national swimming program should be sending him special brownies every day from here on out.

On the other hand, if any enterprising casino decides to add a few beer-pong tables, we will happily show up and get killed by the pros, whoever they are.

Related Stories:
· Michael Phelps Lost Two Grand At Beer Pong [The Superficial]
· Where Is Michael Phelps' Bong? [Jaunted]
· The Good Ol' Days: Phelpstival Finally Official [Jaunted]
· Celeb Travel coverage [Jaunted]

[Photo: crankymediaguy]