It's no secret that here at Jaunted we love pandas. From adorable babies, they become cute nibbling adults and charmingly creepy mascots. So we may or may not have coughed up for panda pencils, folders or stuffed animals in our happy traveling lives. China's Chengdu Giant Panda Breeding Base decided to offer a new kind of souvenir, that we don't think we'll pick up. In fact, we think it's worth "dropping."
That's right: The base, which currently holds over 40 of the endangered mammals, is planning to sell bookmarks, sculptures and other knicknacks made of panda poop. The excrement is allegedly treated so that it doesn't smell, as well as painted so it doesn't look like dung, but it still seems like a "waste" of a gimmick. What do you think?
Along with cuddly creatures like koalas and possums, pandas are way up there on the spectrum of cuteness. Especially baby pandas. And now we've found out where we can go to join a playground full of baby pandas.
We almost don't want to tell you, but since it's not exactly around the corner from anywhere, we trust you won't all stampede in droves. Budget Travel just tipped us off that you can get access to panda bubs in China's Wolong Nature Reserve, five hours from Chengdu, which is about a $500 flight from major Chinese cities. For $130 per person, you can enter the panda day care center, currently home to 16 panda toddlers, and play with them. You only get five minutes, but we're talking cute and cuddly baby pandas. We'd pay at least double.
Having never had a Chinese boyfriend, we're not really sure what's behind this: but an amusement park in the city of Changchun in northern China has just constructed the world's largest penis.
A sure way to bring a few extra customers (but maybe put off a few too), this 30-foot phallic named the Sky Pillar is a concrete pole wrapped in straw at the Longwan Shaman Amusement Park. Apparently it's all for historical reasons:
Legend says a Shaman hero named Ewenki vanquished a cruel female ruler and gave her a penis totem, telling her to respect males and not kill them at will.
Got it. We just can't wait to see if this penis is big enough for Google Earth to pick it up. That'd be worth boasting about, boys.
So maybe it's been a while since you've paid attention to anything that goes on on "Survivor." Sure, that one couple we like to follow met on the show, and the first winner eventually went to prison for (oops!) failing to declare his winnings. But we realized it was high time the stakes were raised when CBS announced they were packing the immunity idols and heading to China for the latest edition of the reality show -- the first time ever that an American television show will be shot in the country, according to Variety.
How did this happen? Apparently China realized it could do some PR in advance of the 2008 Summer Olympics in Beijing and pocket a few sweet television dollars at the same time by opening its borders to what Defamer called "Survivor: Human Rights Violations." (Obviously, not exactly the image they want to broadcast!) Still, it's hard not to see this as a reality-TV model for the classic sitcom "We're jumping the shark, let's go to Hawaii!" episode. Show is lagging? Head for a foreign country! "Top Model" does it every season (most recently hitting Sydney, Australia for the final runway show which decides the winner) and "Ugly Betty" just did a family-trip-to-Mexico episode (even though it was shot Stateside). I'm not tuning in unless there are pandas involved. Please, Mark Burnett, let there be pandas.
We already know and accept that English language skills in China aren't perfect. And most of us have a fairly poor knowledge of Mandarin, right? So how will we communicate with our hosts when we travel to China in hordes in conjunction with the 2008 Beijing Olympics?
Authors of the Me No Speak: China "phrasebook" think they have the answer, with a Mandarin version of those little books full of pictures that you can point at to get your, well, point across. For example, "I want" written in Chinese characters at the top, and a selection of foods to point at underneath. They claim to have developed it all from their own experiences in China and apparently it works great.
Critics think that totally avoiding learning the language of the country like this ain't really right. But as the authors point out, it is better than not finding a toilet in time.
Only those sleeping under rocks don't know that fuel costs are a big issue for airlines these days. Slapping extra charges onto tickets is the most common way to deal with this problem, but China Southern Airlines has come up with something better.
We like to call it the "pee before you fly" campaign. Really. China Southern has started encouraging passengers to use the bathroom before boarding their flight. Some wizard there has calculated that one flush uses the energy equivalent of a car driving some six miles. More importantly, they see dollar signs in the form of how much money they can save from the skyrocketing energy costs.
A couple of other pearls of wisdom from their statistics bank: 60 tonnes of fuel per day are consumed when the aircraft carries sufficient pillows and blankets per passenger; a similar amount is wasted by loading each seat with three magazines. Why don't they just leave out the safety instruction card-- it's bound to be wasting a few tonnes of fuel, and nobody reads it anyway.
We already know that the Chinese have launched a campaign to fix up their somewhat comical English. It's a pity, really, that gems like the "No entry on peacetime" sign at Beijing Airport won't welcome travelers anymore. But it seems that on our own English-speaking shores, we can't get other languages right. We can, however, get them funny.
The Fire and Rescue department in Strathclyde, Scotland, recently translated a safety handout into multiple minority languages: jolly friendly of them, we say. But, as so often happens, something got lost in translation. The Urdu version, translated back into English, gives us this hint on escaping from a burning building:
Never jump out of a window straight. Put yourself on a donkey etc and come down.
Seems the Urdu words for donkey and cushion are similar; this kind of mix-up could happen to anyone. But if you see any Urdu-speakers on your travels panicking and frantically seeking a donkey, be as community-spirited as the Strathclyde Fire department and help them out.
Talk about a lost cause. English is being corrupted the world over--did you know that millions of Germans think that a "handy" is the equivalent of a cell-phone, and that we use the phrase "you can reach me on my handy"?--and now the Chinese government has finally decided to fix up their English before the 2008 Beijing Olympics. Chinglish, their often comical mix of English and high imagination, has to go, they say.
Do we want this? Maybe it's OK to read an emergency exit sign (at Beijing Airport, no less) saying "No entry on peacetime". Or a warning for a slippery sidewalk that reads "To Take Notice of Safe; The Slippery are Very Crafty". Isn't this part of the fun of traveling in China? We say, long live the Chinglish, and we just need a friendly publisher to issue the Chinglish/English dictionary and we can travel both safely and with entertainment.
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by egw
