Tag: Airline Security

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Lena Dunham Explains Why TSA Confiscated Her Cat Keychain

March 11, 2014 at 4:06 PM | by | Comments (2)

This is a story about Lena Dunham, the TSA, and cats. The only way we could cram more Internet-friendly content into this thing is if we added some kind of Upworthy-style headline - "I Thought I Understood Airport Security; But Then I Saw This Outrageous Tape of A Celebrity Telling Her Brave Story" - but our blogging software won't let us use titles that long.

"Girls" star Lena Dunham was trying to get through airport security at LAX when she was pulled aside for what she later described to Seth Meyers as a "self-defense keychain" in the shape of a cat. Apparently it's the kind of thing where you slip your knuckles into the metal (maybe the eyes?) and then use the sharp bits (maybe the ears?) to stab another human being. The Seth Rogin Twitter feed subsequently tweeted an illustration for viewers who might have been struggling to form a mental picture.

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Newest Tales of TSA Ridiculousness Pretty Entertaining, Actually

March 4, 2014 at 4:56 PM | by | Comments (0)

You guys know our stance on TSA, and our basic frustration with people who knock the airport security agency just for kicks. You know it because we've repeated it endlessly to the point where we asked you to incorporate it into your New Years resolution for 2014.

If you're going to complain about how much TSA employees suck, you need to choose one of two options: either support more funding for agency, so it can hire better people, or elect lawmakers who will dismantle it, which will never happen because no politician wants to get tagged for the next terrorist attack. Anything else is just complaining for the sake of complaining.

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Everything Old is New Again for the TSA and CIA

February 25, 2014 at 5:44 PM | by | Comments (0)

Recent assessments from the CIA indicate that Al Qaeda-linked terrorists are creating new shoe bombs that have the ability to generate multiple casualties on airplanes. Reports of the new threats came alongside other warnings - specifically but not entirely related to the Sochi Olympics - that terrorists are seeking to hide explosives in toothpaste and cosmetic tubes. Happy middle of the week everyone!

Putting aside the crazies who say that news about terrorism is designed to scare the American sheeple into letting the United Nations inject our kids with vaccinated fluoride (or whatever) there are usually two ways that people react kinds of stories of heightened threats.

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For Valentine's Day, TSA Focuses on What's Important

February 11, 2014 at 3:53 PM | by | Comments (0)

TSA recently blogged a list of tips for traveling during and around Valentine's Day. Yes to regular and even liquid-filled chocolates, but no to flower vases with water in them, plus a reminder that there are special rules for traveling with wedding dresses. Because wedding dresses and flower vases with water in them could be used to compromise the security of aircraft, you see.

In other news, engineers have discovered a way that hackers can hijack TSA scanning machines to remotely overlay what screeners see with arbitrary images. So if you're a terrorist smuggling a gun through security, and you've got a friend who has gained access to the computer linked to your checkpoint, your friend can cover over the image of your gun with what looks like a pile of socks.

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Newest Debate Over TSA Still Not Taking Into Account Very Basic Things About TSA

February 3, 2014 at 2:09 PM | by | Comment (1)

Last week saw a good deal of travel politics news - we'll unpack most of it as the dust settles this week - but there was something in particular we wanted to post today, if only because it's kind of aggravating.

The end of last week saw a back-and-forth in Politico between TSA and a TSA ex-agent who wrote an expose confirming every bad stereotype people have about the agency. Neither side comes off particularly well, but what got our attention is how even at the top levels of public debate, people still don't get a very, very fundamental point: you can have lots of very specific rules, and then you get TSA employees who implement stupid regulations, or you can empower TSA employees to 'use common sense,' and then you get douchebags who use the wiggle room to abuse travelers.

It can be one or the other, but - unless you're going to get better TSA agents or abolish TSA completely - you have to choose one.

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Last Week's TSA Hearing In Congress Was Even Sillier Than You'd Expect

January 20, 2014 at 5:01 PM | by | Comments (0)

Not to beat a particularly stupid dead horse, but just one more thing about that silly hearing that Congress held last week with TSA officials. We've repeatedly covered how the overarching debate over airport security is broken: politicians attack TSA for cutting corners, but those same politicians aren't willing to either change the rules (so there are no corners to cut) or increase the agency's funding (so it wouldn't need to cut corners).

We've already posted on one aggravating part of the hearing, which had Rep. Gerry Connolly (D-VA) declaring that TSA agents don't say "please" and "thank you" enough, and so he's going to write legislation sending them to politeness school. He saw security officers telling travelers to do awkward things like take off clothing, and stand in line, and assume various positions, and he thought it would be better if they were nicer about it. But the problem isn't whether agents are polite when they implement poorly conceptualized and even more poorly executed security policies. It's that the security policies are poorly conceptualized and executed.

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There's a Decent Chance Congress is Just Trolling Us with Stupid TSA Ideas

January 17, 2014 at 4:26 PM | by | Comments (0)

The Jaunted policy on travel politics is very straightforward: there is nothing so broken about the experience of getting from one airport to another - whether it be picking a seat or paying for baggage or going through security or even taking off - that Congress can't make it worse.

TSA, for example, is a disaster in hundreds of ways significant and incidental. But give an elected official a chance to address even the smallest of the agency's problems, and they're bound without fail to come up with legislation that falls somewhere in between useless meddling and genuine damage. We actually had to check today's story multiple times before we could convince ourselves it wasn't a parody.

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Cross-Dressing Man Scales Newark Airport Fence, Hangs Out for a While

December 27, 2013 at 8:30 AM | by | Comment (1)

Roughly a year ago some poor soul got lost jet skiing in Jamaica Bay, and ended up shivering wet outside the fence at JFK. He proceeded to scale the airport's 8-foot fence, make his way across 2 runways, and enter Terminal 3. Good for him - how else was he expected to get warm - but bad for the Port Authority. The organization is ostensibly responsible for security at the airport, which presumably includes not letting a random guy in a neon yellow life jacket wander around runways and terminals undetected for hours at a time.

This year, there have been no life jacket-wearing New Yorkers embarrassing the Port Authority by effortlessly defeating one of their airport's security system. Instead it's a cross-dressing Jersey City resident. Airport security you guys; gosh we just don't know.

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TSA Now Using Cartoon Dogs to Explain Airport Security to Kids

December 20, 2013 at 6:23 PM | by | Comments (0)

Is there any chance that TSA is just trolling us now? Earlier this week there was the thing with the sock monkey, and him having a gun, and his gun getting taken away at security. We theorized at the time that it might be because the screeners were just fucking idiots, but now we're not so sure. Maybe they're just very, very clever about doing ostentatiously stupid things.

Before we go on, let's remember that TSA is an airport security agency that coalesced in the aftermath of the horrific 9/11 terrorist attacks. There is something of a debate over whether it needs to exist, but one way or another it's the result of terrorism. Justified or not, the fact that TSA had to be invented kind of sucks. The way that security officials have to go about their business - what with the whole patting down Americans like criminals routine - also sucks.

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TSA Confiscates Toy Gun from Sock Monkey Cowboy

December 17, 2013 at 9:50 AM | by | Comments (0)

There are times when we try to defend TSA for mindlessly enforcing its rules rather than following 'common sense.' Yes it's absurd to pat down grandma after she triggers a scanner, for instance, but once an alarm goes off TSA agents are obligated to go through a very specific procedure. Do you really want them making their own decisions on when it's OK to believe the machines? Keep in mind how we recruit some of them.

But this is just fucking idiotic. The story reads like something we'd invent if we were trying to imagine a really stupid instance of TSA security theater. Seriously. We can actually imagine ourselves saying something like "next thing you know, they'll start taking away toy guns from hand-woven stuffed animals." And yet here we are.

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Researcher Builds Deadly Weapons from Things You Can Easily Buy in the Terminal

November 29, 2013 at 10:04 AM | by | Comments (0)

We know that some of you will ignore our advice and spend today and tomorrow traveling long distances. You'll go to airports, wait in security, and get filmed by news crews with grumpy looks on your faces. There's not much we can do about that.

If it makes you feel any better though, you should know that a lot of the security that's holding you up is totally useless. So at least there's that. Last week we covered how and why the TSA's behavior screening program - which brings security to you in line, rather than waiting for you to come to security - is statistically useless. This week comes news that all of the x-rays and scans people go through might be kind of silly, since it's possible to build an array of deadly weapons with products you buy past the terminal.

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How to Experience TSA PreCheck with Nine US Airlines

November 25, 2013 at 12:39 PM | by | Comment (1)

Even if you only fly every once in a while you’re probably somewhat familiar with TSA PreCheck. It’s the program that allows for speedy screening, and you can even leave your shoes on, laptop in the bag, and keep your belt around your waist.

It’s an option for those who are on the list for existing Customs and Border Protection (CBP) Trusted Traveler programs like Global Entry, NEXUS, and SENTRI programs. However, not so fancy flyers are also eligible—and often just by opting-in through their frequent flyer number. Here’s the scoop on the nine domestic carriers that are doing the TSA PreCheck—assuming you’re at an eligible airport:

· Alaska Airlines
The information from Alaska Airlines seems a little outdated, as they still reference the whole TSA PreCheck thing as a “pilot.” It seems like eligible frequent flyers would have received an email inviting them to opt-in, but if not head into the My Account section of your profile on alaskaair.com. Once there—assuming you’re eligible—you will you will see a link across the top of the page inviting you to opt-in for shoes on screening.

· Allegiant Air
Nope—if you’re flying with Allegiant you’re going to need to do the security screening thing the old fashioned way

· American Airlines
Like most carriers you need to be a member of the airline’s frequent flyer program, so go ahead and sign up if you haven’t done so already. Next head over to aa.com, and make your way into the My Account section of the site. Check your personal information and password, and then go ahead and check the box to opt-in to participate in the TSA expedited screening program. When you check-in you’ll see whether you made the cut or not right on your boarding pass.

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