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History of Failed Mile High Club Attempts Stretches Back Almost a Century

February 18, 2014 at 3:48 PM | by | ()

As we never tire of reminding you, especially as space tourism gets closer and closer to becoming a reality, the upward trajectory of civilian aviation has been nothing short of remarkable. It's only been about a century since human beings figured out how to create fixed wing heavier-than-air flying machines, and we're now on the verge of sending travelers on sub-orbital mini-vacations. As far as history is concerned, that's the blink of an eye.

Of course as soon as people figured out how to get airborne, they almost immediately invented autopilots so they could stay airborne in the laziest possible way. And as soon as they invented autopilots, they tried to use their free time to have sex in the air. Because despite the wide variety and ingenuity of the human race, people are kind of morons when it comes to sex.

The airborne escapade, which happened in 1916, involved Lawrence Burst Sperry providing Cynthia Polk with what The Atlantic last month described as "a novel kind of flying lesson." It went about how you'd expect, which is to say they bumped the autopilot and went crashing into Great South Bay, naked, where they were rescued by duck hunters. Before you feel too bad for these idiots, consider that Polk's husband was away at the time, working as an ambulance driver in World War I France.

Fast forward to the beginning of this month, when a drunk woman boarded a Delta flight at Baltimore bound for Salt Lake City. There's nothing wrong with boarding a plane drunk - we recommend against it because high-altitude hangovers are literally the worst - but who among us hasn't been there?

The thing about this woman, however, is that she quickly started making sexual passes at passengers. "Grabbing at passengers" is actually how Patrick Hogan, a spokesman for Minneapolis-Saint Paul Airport where the plane made an emergency landing, described it.

When her grabbiness didn't work she flew into a rage. Eventually she was handcuffed and subdued, and then removed removed from the flight. She faces the possibility of federal charges.

Since this is 2014, everything was recorded. The top video is of the passenger losing it - we know it's a copy, we couldn't find the original - and the bottom one is her being trudged away.

So we suppose the lessons for today are, if you're going to indulge your Mile High Club aspirations, don't get caught and don't be a drunk asshole. As long as you've got those down, go with God.

[Photo: Luz Dinorah Padró / YouTube]

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