Jaunted

What you'll need:

· A few bottles of cheap-ass champagne. We're thinking Freixenet or Andre. You could also substitute that alcohol-free Fre stuff, if you need to go to work semi-coherent in the morning.
· Some 6-packs of Bass Beer, a British Pale Ale
· A bottle of Beefeater Gin—gotta have the guard on the bottle.
· A bottle of Ribena, which you can find in the foreign/British section of your grocery store. Cranberry juice can be substituted.
· A bottle of Lucozade, which you can find in the foreign/British section of your grocery store. Gatorade in red or orange can be substituted.

What to do EVERY TIME:

· A commentator uses the word "fascinator": take a sip of champagne with your pinky finger high in the air.
· A big deal is made of Kate's being a commoner: take a big swig of the Bass beer.
· The camera focuses on Prince Phillip:: do a shot of gin and hope he stays awake.
· Prince Harry is caught smirking: do a sloppy toast to the happy couple and swig some Bass.
· A camera does a sweeping pan above the crowd gathered along the streets near Westminster Abby: take a drink of champagne.
· Elton John is shown: Pour an ounce of Ribena in with your champagne and take a drink.
· The camera catches the Beckhams: Take two swigs of Bass if its both of them together, or one swing if it's just one of them on screen.
· There's any mention of night-vision cameras: take a shot of gin, because oh lordy.
· The words "fashion icon" are used (reader suggestion from @themrsroyal): take a sip of champagne, with your pinky finger high in the air.
· The camera focuses on white gloves (reader suggestion from @justinjames): take a sip of champagne with your pinky finger high in the air.
· A commentator mentions Prince Harry's relationship with Chelsy and ponders another future Royal Wedding (reader suggestion from @themrsroyal): take a shot of gin.
· There are awkward mentions of those not invited, like the Obamas (reader suggestion from @robalope): raise a Bass beer and take a drink.
· You spot a child among the invited guests: take a drink of the Ribena (it's non-alcoholic).

What to do WHEN (one-time occurrences):

· There's a thinly veiled mention of Diana's bulimia in relation to Kate's current "slender" figure (reader suggestion from @tmwrnj): sniff the Ribena (no calories ingested!).
· The wedding dress' designer is unveiled: Do a big toast to them, tweet your thoughts on the design, and take a long drink of champagne with 1 oz Ribena added.
· Will and Kate kiss on Buckingham Palace's balcony: Finish off any flutes of champagne and open bottles of Bass.
· Commentators decide the main action is over and wish everyone good morning or good day and allude to continuing coverage throughout the day: drink a glass of Lucozade and put all remaining alcohol in the fridge. You'll finish it this weekend.

[Photo: thejournal.ie]