Jaunted

1. Clinique La Prairie in Switzerland
This famous health spa in Switzerland (with no connection to the La Prairie products you pick up in hotel spas) offers a six-night revitalization package that includes an extensive medical check-up, a dental check-up, a consultation with the attending physician, nursing care, a consultation with a Beautymed aesthetician, a Revitalization treatment, a discovery session with a sports coach, 2 group fitness sessions and access to the fitness center, jacuzzis, saunas, hammans, and the swimming pool.

We say go here to detox, get healthy and focus on your inner beauty. But try not to get involved with anyone else seeking to revitalize themselves. Hopefully, you still have some funds left as a four-night stay here starts at around £7,000.

2. YogaOasis in Hawaii
While the La Prairie trip might require an advance from your next...well...from your next Italian clothing ad, the YogaOasis retreat on the Big Island of Hawaii is rather affordable. There are a variety of retreats that you can sign up for but considering your volatile history with weight loss and gain, we like something that helps your addictive personality.

The 11-day Detox and Cleanse program only costs $365 and includes yoga classes, meditations, "nutrition-packed" smoothies, daily phone coaching lessons, and most importantly, the retreat will help you "Gain & maintain supportive people relationships." And they will give you tools to take home with you.

3. The Lexington Peace Palace
Is there a way to combine meditation and Hollywood? Surprisingly, there is. The surviving Beatles members are trying to bring back Transcendental Meditation and Hollywood director David Lynch ("Mulholland Drive") has his own TM foundation. While we strongly suggest avoiding anything to do with the "industry", we feel as if TM could be good for you.

Maharishi Invincibility Centers are located throughout the U.S. They are named after TM guru Maharishi who the Beatles famously spent time with in India in the 1960s. However, we like this one purely because of it's name: The Lexington Peace Palace. The center offers tons of different Transcendental Meditation classes (some are free) and weekend workshops designed to dissolve stress, rejuvenate the mind and body and to (hint, hint) improve relationships. There's even a health spa where you can get massages. Plus, once you've learned the 20 minutes, twice a day, meditation program, you can start to use TM for world peace.

4. Outward Bound for College Kids
It's about time you surrounded yourself with other kids your own age. Remember when you were 17 and living with Wilmer Valderamma? Not normal. Here's a chance for you to get in touch with your age bracket and see what real kids in their late teens and early twenties are doing with their lives. (Note: It doesn't involve showing up at clubs for promotional fees.) All the while, you'll be learning wilderness skills, leadership skills and confidence.

We also like this Outward Bound program because it will force you to disconnect from the material things in your life. Goodbye hair extensions and fake tanning cream! An average two-week trip is about $2,695.

5. Zen Mountain Monastery
Wanna stick somewhere close to home? This "monastery" in the Catskills of New York has regular weekend and weekly retreats as well as a residential program. We strongly suggest the latter although the monastery does offer a one-month retreat which includes a week-long sesshin where no talking is allowed.

If you can't swing that, then we recommend the Dakini Poetics: Experiments of Attention retreat which begins on April 17. It costs $325 and teacher Anne Waldman will guide you through this writing workshop into “experiments of attention,” which will include work with "journals, dreams, performance strategies and traditional and invented forms." This way you can keep up with your "craft."

Any other retreat/vacation ideas for Lindsay? Drop 'em in comments. Maybe she will read them!

[Photo: Mirror UK]