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Five In-Flight Movies To Avoid Now

April 21, 2009 at 2:37 PM | by | ()

Try as we might to entertain ourselves in the air, we occasionally get sucked into the in-flight movie anyway. It's difficult not to feel that childlike tickle of enthusiasm as the pop-down screen descends and people all around you take out their headphones. When we were younger, this was a golden opportunity to watch (an edited version of) the movies our parents wouldn't take us to -- only now do we realize how right they were, when we single out the worst in-flight movies this month.

The Weepie: Delta, American, United and Continental probably think they're offering fun for the whole family with the Owen Wilson-Jennifer Aniston doggy flick "Marley & Me," proving that no one at those airlines watched the whole movie. Avoid unless you want to arrive with bloodshot eyes that suggest you haven't slept in 36 hours.

The Creepy: Try not to doze off on your next Continental flight. If you wake up to stare deeply into the eyes of Johnny Depp's Michael Jackson-esque take on Willy Wonka in "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory", you might be tempted to throw open the cabin door in a panic. Also, this movie came out four years ago and everyone has since seen it on TV, where it has been running on ABC Family to replace the actually good 1971 Gene Wilder version.

The Sleepy: Since no one saw "The Day The Earth Stood Still" in theatres, United, Delta and Continental probably got a great deal on the 1950s sci-fi remake in which Keanu Reeves plays an alien. But really, this film suffers from what most movies and television shows today lack: Not enough Jon Hamm. Since Jon Hamm is actually in this movie, this is an extra-dire case. Also, do we really care enough whether Keanu decides to save the world? Snooze.

The Oldie: Sure, "Four Christmases" only came out last Thanksgiving, but... Christmas? It is April now, and we're pretty sure watching holiday movies not called "Love Actually" before the Day Of Much Turkey is illegal. Adjust your sets, American passengers.

The Other Weepie: That we hadn't already heard of it was a red flag for United pick "Where God Left His Shoes". (Speaking of, American, who discovered that blockbuster "Bonneville" we were shown last month?) But when we found out it was a tearjerker about a homeless family starring John Leguizamo who needs to get a job before Christmas -- well, we pretty much started crying already. Also, there's the C-word again.

Seatback Entertainment Honorable Mention: We omitted airlines like Virgin America and Air Canada which put entertainment in the hands of passengers, because you can always buy another movie. But no one flying JetBlue should subject himself to "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" -- not because it's nearly 3 hours long, but because you will be forced to spend the rest of your flight contemplating your mortality. That's no way to live.

Related Stories:
· In-Flight Entertainment coverage [Jaunted]
· Open Thread: How Do You Survive Long Flights? [Jaunted]
· What Has Your Southwest Flight Attendant Performed For You Lately? [Jaunted]

[Photo: andrewscott]

Archived Comments:

eddie murphy movies

for some reason, i am always on a plane that is showing some godawful eddie murphy movie (the ones made after 2000.) so i would add that to this list.

Kung fu panda

Oh how much I hate that movie, the airlines love this!

And the best movie to watch in-flight

is an action movie with no plot. Whatever you can watch in 10-minute chunks, doze off or zone out, and then return to with no jolt or interruption.

Honorable mention: anything you've already seen and liked.