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"I Told Her To Put On Pants"

Looking for a place to meet your skank bartendress on the side where your girlfriend can't find you? Look no further than our Hills Season 5 Map.

Previously: Heidi crashed LC's birthday party on a boat and then confronted a bartendress about Spencer's wandering eye (if not hands -- yet); LC blamed Stephanie for dragging her into it.

Clearly, she didn't stay away long enough: Heidi returned to the Hills this week from Colorado, but Spencer didn't miss her nearly enough to stop acting like a major jerk. After accusing Heidi of being a hypocrite because she happened to see her high school boyfriend back home, Spencer went out with his boys to the new hot club H.Wood and met Stacie and her girls there. Much joking about requesting "Pour Some Sugar On Me" to get the girls on the bar ensued. (Which, seriously? What is this, "Rock of Love"?)

Spencer must have extremely predictable taste, because Heidi and Stephanie, out having dinner and bitching, were able to find him right away. During the ensuing confrontation, Heidi played the extreme damsel in distress, while Stephanie came out swinging at Stacie, calling her a slut and inquiring as to the location of various items of her clothing.

Meanwhile, the Stephster had what has to have been the worst job interview ever at People's Revolution. When Kelly Cutrone asked LC to find her an intern to pick up some of the slack that slacker Whitney left behind, LC turned to Stephanie even though she apparently already had an internship. Hilarity ensued: Not only did Stephanie lie about knowing French and profess ignorance of mail merge, she told Kelly that her ultimate goal was to have her own handbag line. May we suggest "Catbags by Stephanie Pratt"?

In her infinite wisdom, Kelly took her on anyway but said LC would have to fire her if it didn't work out. In Kelly's words, "The interview was such a folly that she could be genius." We can't wait for her book on success.

Next week: Speidi goes to therapy and the future catbag designer messes up at work (already?!)

Related Stories:
· Last Week: It's Her Party And I'll Do Tequila Shots If I Want To [Jaunted]
· Would You Trust Lo's Tastebuds? [Jaunted]
· Hills Season 5 coverage [Jaunted]