The British Seaside: Ocean Paradise, or Dirty Old Whore Who Smells of Fish?

Great Britain has 9,447 miles of coastline, and Current U.K. contributor Holly Walsh hates every inch of it. She makes her feelings known in a hilarious "pod" that calls out resort areas like Brighton, Blackpool, and Worthing as depressing, decrepit places that exist solely because people are convinced that they're supposed to enjoy them.

Among her thoughts on British beach towns: "They say that on a clear day you can see France from here, but they could say whatever the hell they want, because there's never a clear day here to check." Come on Holly. Don't beat around the bush. Tell us how you really feel. "The seaside is crap and dull ... even the people of Brighton have gone gay to find something to do."

And as for seaside cuisine:

"Bad ice cream, candy floss, jelly deals. Anything you can eat without using your teeth. Is this for the locals, who are so old that they lost their dentures during the Blitz, or is it for the tourists who are so lazy they're like 'sod it, I'm on holiday now, I can't even be bothered to chew'?"

Having been to Brighton a couple of times, I think I know what she's talking about, but can't say I don't also love the place in spite of the tackiness and bad weather. And isn't suffering through gloomy trips to the beach part of the British way of life? Eating the picnic lunch in the car while rain lashes down, only to walk on the gravelly beach between downpours?

I guess all travel involves suffering on some level. The difference is how much pleasure you can find to counterbalance it. Any British readers care to share their views on the kingdom's coastline? Island paradise, or "dirty old whore who smells of fish and tries to trick you out of all your loose change"? Please weigh in in the comments.

[Photo: Daylife/Getty]

Related Stories:
· I Hate the Seaside [Current]
· Beach Travel Coverage [Jaunted]

Comments (4)

Return to » The British Seaside: Ocean Paradise, or Dirty Old Whore Who Smells of Fish?

dunno about worthing etc but isn't the point about brighton that you go for the pubs, not for the beach? coming from cornwall though, i have to stick up for british beaches. the south west's are beautiful. it's just a shame the weather's not been good enough to sit on them since i was about 10.

British seaside/coastline is beautiful. Like many others, I've never realy been one for lazing about on sunny beaches. I much prefer walking over wind swept, rain drenched coastlines with my coat on, looking into rock pools and down cliff edges. Theres a strange feeling of tranquility to be found. And I really am a fan of eating fish n' chips in a car whilst the rain batters the window on all sides, only to run out when it stops to reach the pub. good times

British seasides aren't that bad, and I was in Brighton in the "summer" of 2007 and it was packed on the 3 days i was there.. and i hate people who joke about it never being sunny here. but we get more sunshine than most pasts of north america.

There are some stunning places hidden along our coastline, the UK is enjoying a growth in seaside breaks in 2010, with classic resorts such Brighton and Blackpool enjoying a busy summer season, for some inspiration try these Blackpool breaks

Jaunted

Select a Destination:

Travel Hell / Brighton / Beach Travel / Rants / Beaches / Tourist Traps / Current / → All Tags