Five Ways To Speed Through Security

March 11, 2009 at 9:26 AM | by egw | Comments (2)

There are only three sure things in life: death, taxes, and the cluelessness of the guy in front of you at airport security. You can't do anything about that guy -- has he even flown since 9/11? -- but you can not be that guy with our tips to come through clean and quickly. Here are our Five Ways To Speed Through Security.

Know the roadblocks. Of course they're going to ask for your ID and boarding pass, so take it out of your wallet or purse and keep it in a death grip in your hand as you walk through. Thanks to the "shoe bomber", our shoes are going to have to come off, so if you're wearing lace-up boots, maybe start unlacing them while you're in line. And America, empty your freaking pockets before you set the X-ray off. You probably won't need your keys for the next six to eight hours anyway.

Don't mess with clear contraband. We can't tell you how many times we've forgotten a bottle of water at the bottom of our carry-on. O, the heartbreak we could have saved ourselves had we just double-checked for the kind of thing. If you're trying to shave several minutes off your TSA time (and who isn't?) do that one last check -- hopefully you've already left the bolt cutters and the fireworks at home, right?!

Eyes on the road. Scientists who study short-term memory have discovered that there are a finite number of things the human brain can hold at top of mind at one time -- seven or eight is the usual estimate given. We suggest a similar rule for carry-ons, but the magic number is four; if you have more than a carry-on piece, a jacket, a laptop and your boarding pass out, you're bound to forget something getting through security. Naturally the best thing to do is pack wisely, but at least try to condense what you're carrying as you go through the gate.

Obey the flow of traffic... Supposedly the TSA looks for certain behaviors that read as suspicious when deciding who to pull for additional screening. (Do not joke about explosives? Why, how original!) These behavioral descriptors are probably pure hokum, but the best way to get a "special massage" from an on-duty agent is to make yourself stand out. Unless you have a good reason to, don't get outwardly dramatic about removing your shoes, taking out your laptop or obeying any of their silly instructions. We know, it's tempting, but unless your destination is the Big House, try and hold it in.

...but exit when necessary. The agent on duty is trying to confiscate your liquid medication, or has come to the conclusion that your MacBook Air is a b-o-m-b. Now here's where you calmly stand your ground and ask for a supervisor or someone who is not a $14.50-an-hour jumpsuit-wearer to talk to about your case. One extra ounce in a bottle is not worth fighting for; a new mom's three-day stash of formula is. You're giving up enough, and you know your sticking point.

Got your own suggestions for breezing past TSA and their magical wands a little faster? Let us know below.

[Photo: BoingBoing]

Comments (2)

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Even though TSA supposedly has a special lane set aside for families, no one seems to pay any attention to that. As soon as I see strollers or baby bjorns in front of me, I pick another lane.

I work for Mobile Edge and we launched six different styles of Checkpoint Friendly Laptop Bags which helps speed you through airport security. The TSA only allows approved laptop bags to pass through security with the laptop still inside the case. Our cases have been tested and are approved. This saves time, and also helps you the traveler from having your laptop lost or stolen. You still have to take off your shoes, but this is one less step at security you have to worry about. Check us out at www.mobileedge.com. Regards, Matthew Olivolo

Jaunted

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