Jaunted

Yup, that's Marcus and the Duchess, "before kickoff" as V. puts it to Dan. Dan gets her to go to Blair, who sets about enacting her revenge by laying down a deal at brunch with Marcus at Centolire to buy her silence for Nate. (Marcus' defense: "It's only happened a few times." But Vanessa throws the whole thing into chaos by going straight to Catherine's husband, the Duke. Clearly not an Upper East Sider!

Meanwhile, Serena and Dan's promise to be friends is tossed out like last summer's trendy monokini when a new girl, Amanda, shows interest in him. "The point is," Blair tells Serena, "whoever dates first, wins." Blair and her posse wage war on her on Serena's behalf at Meatpacking District steakhouse STK, including throwing Nair at the back of her head. (Does that really work? Somebody let us know.) Ultimately, S. is ready to wreak her own havoc and become top bitch at Constance Billard once again.

But wait, Amanda was paid off by Chuck (shown in a Suit of Awesome) to act interested in Dan so that Serena would be restored to the social throne! She doesn't even go to this school--she just has a lot of feelings! Or rather, none. "From now on," Serena breathes to her henchladies, "everything goes through me." You go, Serena. As Chuck says over breakfast: "You're here to rule. Why fight it?"

Also, Lily Bass is back from her honeymoon and tries to be friends with Rufus again by bringing over... "Pretty in Pink"? Maybe she should be taking lessons from her daughter, because Rufus ain't having it.

Till next week... we'll be watching you. With sticks.

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· Two Weeks Ago: There's No We In Summer" [Jaunted]