Gossip Girl: Hey, Who Turned 12?

April 22, 2008 at 9:00 AM | by egw | Comment (1)

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Previously, on "Gossip Girl": Blair, faced with social exile and the abandonment of both her boys, contemplated fleeing the country, but Serena talked her down, 'cause what's life without frenemies? Also, Serena's boyfriend Dan told her he loves her, and nothing terrible happened! Also, we missed this show for three months and cried in our rooms with nothing but Oreo Cakesters to sustain us, and now we are out of sample sizes. Thank God, we're back.

Jenny's 15th birthday is coming up, and what would be more proper than a drunken revel at Socialista? Trouble is, Jenny has no money left for fancy dinners and she's hocked everything that's hockable, so she decides to steal a red dress out of a lackey's apartment.

When she finds out the dress--a $50,000 custom Valentino--has been missed, Jenny tries to buy it back but can't afford its new elevated price, so she steals it out of the consignment shop... and walks right into a surprise party Blair spitefully organized to show all of J's friends how their new queen really lives. But she wins the crowd back by showing up at Butter on the arm of--no way!--Blair's ex-boyfriend Nate!

That's gotta burn for Blair, who is victimized by her former crowd earlier (yogurt thrown on her head, a table of no-shows at Butter) and has a "Breakfast at Tiffany's"-themed nightmare about a lost Cat. Her best friend-slash-enemy Serena helps her survive the post-Spring Break return to school, but La Van Der Woodson has problems of her own. After the jump, find out what they are...

The Van der Bass wedding is on, and S's stepbrother Chuck is already making himself at home in their suite. But is he the one sending Serena all those strange packages?

No one was more surprised than the omniscient voice of Gossip Girl to discover that Chuck is actually innocent of shipping his once-attempted conquest a box of porn and handcuffs, cases of champagne at school and an envelope of drugs. (Maybe because his dad is bribing him to be good? Or maybe he's just turned over a new paisley leaf?) Instead, if the handwriting on the final package is to be believed, some girl named G is behind it.

If you've read or heard any casting rumors about G, it wasn't much of a surprise. Still, we love cattiness! (By the way, it would be really, really humiliating if someone were to send the Jaunted editorial staff cases of champagne. Also Cakesters. We're running a little low.)

Despite her last-second defeat on the field of victory, Blair is undoubtedly the Prep of the Ep for her ability to not only have classy nightmares, but dig in her heels and refuse to give up her place in the school pantheon. She even went to Brooklyn to play Wholesome Blair to gullible, stupid Rufus, who bought hook line and sinker the idea that his teenage daughter would really want to have her Manhattan friends over for scary cake with Weirdo Dad. Sure, Blair went to Brooklyn once before, but this time it was for her. Be strong, Baby B. You'll be back soon.

We have one lingering question, though: Television columnists didn't hint so much as outright state that one of the men of "Gossip Girl" was going to come out this week. But it didn't happen! So who's going to come out, and how is it going to happen? (Our money's on Eric, if only because he seems to have very little to do at the moment.)

Next week: Serena has a huge problem, which she will make disappear by telling a mysterious girl, "If I go down, you go down with me." Ooh, they're going scuba diving? But we thought Spring Break was over...

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