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The Hills Travel: No Girl Would Willingly Touch That Scum

Previously on "The Hills": Spencer wants Heidi back; Heidi wants Audrina back (as a friend); Audrina wants Lauren's trust back and Lauren wants a sandwich. (Well, probably.)

Heidi, Audrina and Stephanie have a girls' night out at S Bar--which is ruined when Stephanie lets it slip to Spencer and he shows up with his friend Kevin. Spencer goes to the bar and starts to hit on girls, and Heidi gets all steamed and loses her mind. Seriously, she looks at them and asks, "They're taking shots?" FOUR TIMES. Spencer's defense is that he "just wasn't trying to be rude," and besides Heidi goes to clubs all the time.

LC's commentary to Audrina about the night: Stay away from Heidi and Spencer! She should get that put on a T-shirt. (She also offered the titular wisdom about Spencer, suggesting he pays girls to hang out with him. There's a term for that, and it ain't legal in California.)

At work the next day, Heidi asks handmaiden Kimberly, "How can you love and hate someone so much at the same time?" She eventually calls Spencer and asks him to come over to Bolthouse because "We need to talk," but when he shows up he leads with "You made me be single!" and reveals that he interpreted "I need my space" as "We're on a relationship vacation." Now there's a term Dr. Phil needs to steal.