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I Don't Want That... Feeling

Previously: Whitney moved to New York City for her own show, er, for her Australian man and new job; Heidi and Spencer got pre-divorced. This season, "I almost lost one friend over a boy and one friend over a rumor..." Oh, remember Duh Doug? Those were the days.

It's the season finale, so for once we're doing this in order instead of creatively rearranging it. (What? It's Christmas!) Heidi's at work preparing for the SLS Hotel opening where she manages to casually drop in that, while her coworker was on vacation in Kona, she was on vacation in Mexico... and got hitched. Brent Bolthouse's expression is priceless.

LC and Lo are going to the SLS Hotel opening party too, even though they're apprehensive about running into Heidi. But that totally won't happen, right? Hmm...

Meanwhile, JustinBobby is taking Audrina to a swank hotel, where they are drinking. Oh noes! Another wedding?! (Spot the major continuity error where the happy couple is whizzing down the street and JustinBobby's muscle shirt magically appears as soon as they step into the hotel.)

Heidi's mom magically stops by the apartment to hear if, you know, she and Spencer have anything going on. About anything. Naturally, she tries to put on a brave face for Heidi but she's really upset that she doesn't get to be a part of her daughter's wedding. We have to say--Momzilla? Yoo hoo? But Spencer actually looks like he's listening a little bit, so maybe the crying works on him.

As seen in last week's preview, JustinBobby gives Audrina a ring... a piece of metal that looks like a very cheap key ring, which he puts on her finger right after taking it out of his mouth. Romantic! It's not a proposal, though, as much as the screaming banshees of "The Hills Aftershow" at Tavern on the Green would have it so. (And seriously, girls: What? We're still bitter because our invites were lost in the mail, but really, you're encouraging this unholy union?)

Finally, at the party, Heidi and Lauren talk face to face for the first time in what feels like forever. Wow, it's as awkward as if they broke up! Heidi even asks Lauren if she's working out. They don't close the door to getting back together, but they don't seem to have anything in common now.

And speaking of Heidi, despite her mom forbidding them to make it legal, Spence and Heidz are off to the courthouse with Stephanie in tow as the witness. Only--and this was the one surprise of the hour--they don't actually get married. At the last second, Spencer dramatically pulls back and he declares that he wants to do the wedding right and make peace with her family. So if two morons say wedding vows to each other in a foreign country, do we care any more?

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· Heidi and Spencer's Wedding: What Kind of Fakery Is This? [Jaunted]
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