Jaunted

Dan frets that a suspension will cost him his scholarship and a chance at Dartmouth (remember the college reps?), but he doesn't need to worry because Serena, who got the key from a swim-team boyfriend of yore, confesses and gets a relatively light sentence of community service. Why doesn't she get expelled, given her spotty track record? Oh, because her mom just accepted Bart Bass' engagement ring, and Mr. Bass gave a renaming-the-library-sized donation.

So Chuck and Serena are bound to be step-siblings, after Serena made an impassioned speech to her mom not to date Rufus Humphrey. Because it would ruin her relationship with Dan, of course. Ah, if only our parents were so gullible.

A party gone wrong? When has that ever happened, except every single year we were ever in high school? But only one character truly mustered up the indignation of the guilty, which is why Blair's the Prep of the Ep this week. Like a professional baseball player named in the Mitchell Report, Blair is shocked--shocked!--that the school would try and punish them. Her pleas for a pact to the guilty group make it clear she sees herself and her friends as the Little Rock Nine of the Upper East Side. That's just the kind of arrogance that entertains us.

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