Jaunted

Rob and Amber are first out of the gate from Mirador en route to Santiago, Chile, some 2400 miles away. There, they must locate the Codelco Building in downtown Santiago and search for their next clue. But first, they must drive to the airport, which proves challenging for some.

We get the first of many delicious sounds bites from Charla and Mirna, who proclaim like the good ambassadors they are, that it will be "Chilly in Chile." Wow, no one's ever said that before. Eric warns Danielle not to fall and be "Humpty Dumb-ass," while Joe and Bill enthusiastically hit the road yelling something about gay four-wheeling, which, in case you're wondering, doesn't really exist.

Charla and Mirna almost instantly get their car stuck in the mud. But, fear not, David and Mary are there to help in a Jiffy, bringing some much needed Monster Truck spirit to the race, and the lucrative NASCAR Dad demographic. Not to be outdone, Kevin and Drew get stuck as well. For some unknown reason, Drew convinces Kevin to harness himself to the front end of the truck to help pull it out as Drew accelerates, and almost gets run over and dragged to death in a matter of moments. It will prove to be the only physical challenge of this leg.

At the airport, Rob is up to his typical tricks, asking the airline representative to not let any of the other racers know about their flight. For some inexplicable reason, these people always seem to help them. But, as we all know, those airline reps can be sneaky sneaks...and birds of a feather...well, you know. So, Rob and Amber are on the first flight to Guayaquil, Ecuador, en route to Santiago, Chile, along with Danny and Oswald. The rest of the pack is left for a later flight.  On the second plane, Drew pulls Kentucky's bags from the First Class overhead bins, saying that they couldn't stow them there if they weren't sitting there. Oh Snap! That's a move I would have expected from Bill and Joe, frankly, but they were too busy being dressed alike, resembling gay Weeble Wobbles, and sighing about wanting a nice, hot shower.

As per usual, not everything goes as planned in the flight operations department, and Rob and Amber and Danny and Oswald arrive later than the teams on the second flight, and are denied boarding on the flight with everyone else, effectively putting them in the rear of the pack. Only one thing's for certain on the Amazing Race: the karma train arrives on time, every time. Unfortunately, Danny and Oswald get dragged along for the ride.

In Santiago, the teams are greeted at the Codelco Building with a Roadblock. They must search a boardroom for letters of the alphabet that, when unscrambled, will spell out one of ten destinations. There will be more letters than needed, which adds a layer of difficulty to the challenge. Eric and Joyce are the first inside to begin solving, and are among the last to leave. Dustin and Kandice and Bill and Joe are fiercely competitive, especially when it comes to the title of "Beauty Queens." All we could do was wonder who are these random business people in the boardroom? What ever happened to the thrilling daredevil challenges of yore? Where's the bungee?

Cerebral pandemonium ensues as each team rushes around trying to solve to word puzzle. DuKa solves it first, with Joe and Bill second to depart to Chuquicamata mine. Charla and Mirna are at a distinct disadvantage since Charla can barely see the nameplates on the photos around the room. Eric looks around the room completely lost without Jeremy, who may have been the brains of that operation, while Mary smartly records all the names on the photos around the room (for the record, this is what we would have done). Kevin eavesdrops on Mary and still gets it wrong, while Rob and Amber basically hand the solution to Eric on a silver platter, which he immediately fumbles. He ain't smart, but he sure is pretty! Joyce exclaims to Uchenna, "I'm usually good with attention to details." Uchenna's facial expression is worth a million bucks!

Everyone is back on the road to the next stop, Calama, Chile, and the Chuquicamata copper mine. This leg involves a quick flight and a drive, and a lot of Mirna yelling, "Come on Charla!"  On the way to the mine, a fleet of taxis fly down the road with anxious racers shrieking "faster! faster! faster!" like they were in some mechanized camel race.

Once they reach the mine, it's time for the Detour. By Hand involves tightening nuts around a huge truck tire. By Machine involves driving a front loader and transferring gravel which is measured by a pole in the center of the pile.  DuKa selects By Hand, saying that tightening nuts doesn't sound that hard...and they would know. Meanwhile, Bill and Joe are busy working on By Machine, dumping their loads on top of the pole. Charla and Mirna reach a near meltdown, but complete the detour with some awesome Cirque du Soleil balancing maneuvers.

Back on the road, it's a mad dash to the Valley of the Dead, via the Valley of the Moon, and this week's Pit Stop. The trek is 71 miles, and fraught with obstacles and missed turns. The best moment includes Charla shrieking at DuKa like a rabid weasel, imploring them to split the taxi driver's fee. DuKa get the heck out, leaving Charla and Mirna in the dust, literally. Charla dishes out a heaping helping of moral superiority about beauty being only skin deep - topped off with a jab about plastic surgery.

In the end, Rob and Amber arrive first, and claim a pair of off-road motorcycles as their prize (that's wicked hardcore, yo!). Oswald and Danny come in second with Joe and Bill in third! Three snaps in a Z formation, boys! Drew and Kevin come in last and are eliminated from the race. Drew lists a whole myriad of physical maladies. They cry. Fade to black.

Rob looks lovingly at Amber

The wrap up:
Charla and Mirna spike the irritation level on this leg of the race. We used to like them when they were spunky, plucky underdogs. Now, they're just shrill and need to leave. We're expecting big things from Joyce and Uchenna, and even bigger things from Eric and Danielle. With strong showings from Danny and Oswald and Bill and Joe, all bets are off.

The play at home game:
If you're so inclined, we recommend taking a swig of your drink every time you hear Mirna say , "Come on, Charla!"

Best quote of the episode:
"You greased the nuts and I tightened them."
-Oswald to Danny

Next Week:
Teri and Ian face off with Charla and Mirna, while Danielle freaks out in a kiddie pool full of stingrays while Eric dreams of Jeremy...or the Hippies...or anyone, really, who wouldn't be afraid of completing the task at hand.

Story Credits: Todd & pbb