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Wife Flop

Hurry up and book your flights to the World Wife Carrying Championships in Finland next week! This intense competition will soon kick off for the fourteenth time. It starts mid-World Cup finals this Saturday, July 1, no doubt stealing all television airtime from the soccer.

Various categories exist but the trophy to aim for--World Champion Wife Carrier--involves a 253.5 meter track, a wife with a minimum weight of 49 kilograms, and a 15 second time penalty for each time the wife is dropped. (no doubt resulting in a night on the couch as well) In addition to a handsome trophy, winners receive "wife carrying products"--just what we want for the holidays.

If you want to start training, the website includes a few tips on How to Become a Master in Wife Carrying. Most important, perhaps, is the complicated choice of posture:

There are four customary styles to carry the wife: the traditional piggyback, the wife dangling upside down on the carrier's back, thrown over on the shoulder and crosswise on the carrier's shoulders. The style is free. You may also create a new personal style of your own.

Perhaps some of the World Cup teams would've performed better if they'd adopted some of these superior training methods.

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