Hills-Season-5-Map

LC, Lo, Audrina and Heidi get one more shot at (micro-)fame and (in-)fortune in Los Angeles.

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'There Was Only One Bed'

April 28, 2009 at 9:31 AM | by | Comments (0)

Get some benefits from that friend with our Hills Season 5 Map.

Previously: Heidi set unrealistic expectations for her relationship with Spencer based on high school boyfriend Colby; Audrina looked to Brody for comfort after the 18,000th implosion of her relationship with Justinbobby.

Vacation, all they ever wanted! LC and the girls crash Brody's boys' trip to the Turtle Bay Resort on Oahu, and there are shots, and there is a hot tub, and whoops! Then there is cheatin'! Stephanie makes sure to bring up that Audrina is, like, totally single, just when she's sitting next to Brody who has complimented her on her one piece. Sorry, did we just accidentally turn on a print issue of YM?

Later, Audrina tells the group she's always had a little crush on B., who seems to take this in indifferently until they have a late-night chat in his room where he tells her "I don't want it to be awkward between us," but if they wanted to hook up, "feelings are feelings." Really, Brody? Because I'm tempted to stick you in the Spencer Pratt Honorary Coffin of Pathetic One-Liners.

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Heidi And Spencer, Actually Married This Time

April 27, 2009 at 9:32 AM | by | Comments (0)

We know you were just hanging onto your monitors all weekend to find out: After three years, 800 fights and two near-misses, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt actually tied the knot this weekend in a Pasadena church, and they made sure everyone was watching.

The bride wore Monique Lhuillier and Neil Lane jewels and walked down the aisle behind her sister Holly, a featured character on "The Hills" who once tried to make Heidi choose between her and Spencer. Both sets of parents were also in attendance and US that Lauren Conrad herself showed, although surely MTV is keeping that detail under its veil before the wedding's inevitable airing on "The Hills"' fifth season. Other visitors from the Hillsiverse: Brody and girlfriend Jayde, Frankie, Audrina, Lo and straight from "Laguna Beach," Kristin Cavallari.

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Heidi And Spencer To Wed This Weekend in Pasadena

Where: 1757 N Lake Ave. [map], Pasadena, CA, United States
April 22, 2009 at 9:00 AM | by | Comments (0)

Break out the extra-special flashbulbs: The celebrity couple we love to hate is tying the knot -- again. They went through with it in Mexico then chickened out in Beverly Hills on the finale of last season's "Hills,", but Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag must be serious about their relationship now, because they've accidentally-on-purpose leaked the church where the wedding they've been held to all and sundry. Guess that couples' counseling made them develop faster than a one-hour photo machine.

It's amazing that the two have enough time to plan a wedding, leak Heidi's latest single to the Internets, shoot annoying photos and cast a crop of girls for their new reality series. Currently called "American Girls," the show announced its ungodly presence in the form of flyers last week on the USC campus. We can only assume it's a "Tough Love"-style self-improvement show, because who doesn't want to take advice from these two goons?

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'I'm Just Content With Myself... For Once'

April 21, 2009 at 8:43 AM | by | Comments (0)

Find some great places not to run into your ex-boyfriend with our Hills Season 5 Map.

Previously: Stephanie has the Worst Job Interview Ever; Spencer got sketchy with the bartendress, and Audrina -- hey, remember her? -- contemplated committing to JustinBobby again.

So, Audrina. We haven't seen much of her for the past few weeks, apparently because she's been ending it with JustinBobby offscreen. She tells LC at a wing place called Big Wangs (no, really) where they used to go meet guys that she wants to stay out of a relationship for a while, that she's happy -- but on group outings she's still kind of moping in a corner.

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"I Told Her To Put On Pants"

April 14, 2009 at 9:18 AM | by | Comments (0)

Looking for a place to meet your skank bartendress on the side where your girlfriend can't find you? Look no further than our Hills Season 5 Map.

Previously: Heidi crashed LC's birthday party on a boat and then confronted a bartendress about Spencer's wandering eye (if not hands -- yet); LC blamed Stephanie for dragging her into it.

Clearly, she didn't stay away long enough: Heidi returned to the Hills this week from Colorado, but Spencer didn't miss her nearly enough to stop acting like a major jerk. After accusing Heidi of being a hypocrite because she happened to see her high school boyfriend back home, Spencer went out with his boys to the new hot club H.Wood and met Stacie and her girls there. Much joking about requesting "Pour Some Sugar On Me" to get the girls on the bar ensued. (Which, seriously? What is this, "Rock of Love"?)

Spencer must have extremely predictable taste, because Heidi and Stephanie, out having dinner and bitching, were able to find him right away. During the ensuing confrontation, Heidi played the extreme damsel in distress, while Stephanie came out swinging at Stacie, calling her a slut and inquiring as to the location of various items of her clothing.

Meanwhile, the Stephster had what has to have been the worst job interview ever at People's Revolution. When Kelly Cutrone asked LC to find her an intern to pick up some of the slack that slacker Whitney left behind, LC turned to Stephanie even though she apparently already had an internship. Hilarity ensued: Not only did Stephanie lie about knowing French and profess ignorance of mail merge, she told Kelly that her ultimate goal was to have her own handbag line. May we suggest "Catbags by Stephanie Pratt"?

In her infinite wisdom, Kelly took her on anyway but said LC would have to fire her if it didn't work out. In Kelly's words, "The interview was such a folly that she could be genius." We can't wait for her book on success.

Next week: Speidi goes to therapy and the future catbag designer messes up at work (already?!)

Related Stories:
· Last Week: It's Her Party And I'll Do Tequila Shots If I Want To [Jaunted]
· Would You Trust Lo's Tastebuds? [Jaunted]
· Hills Season 5 coverage [Jaunted]

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'It's Her Party And I'll Do Tequila Shots If I Want To'

April 7, 2009 at 11:42 AM | by | Comments (0)

Admit it, you missed the crazy ladies of "The Hills"! So did we. After you've checked out our recap of this double episode, don't forget to pick up your own skank bartendress at our Hills Season 5 Map.

Previously on The Hills: Heidi and Spencer almost got married but at the last minute decide to wait so Heidi could reconcile with her family. LC and Heidi found themselves in the same room without fighting for the first time in forever. Whitney moved to New York and Spinoffville, and Audrina committed to making her relationship work with JustinBobby.

Hey, it's LC's birthday! Her friends are throwing a special surprise party on a boat, and Stephanie decides to invite Heidi to come along. (Lo and Audrina decided not to; Audrina isn't even inviting JustinBobby! But where will all the drama come from?)

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