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Uh Oh. Is It War?

Previously: Chuck finds a morality clause in his way to inheriting Bass Industries; Dan and Serena struggled with the concept that they might have a half-sibling, but even if they don't, their parents are totally doin' it. And a long time ago, Blair and Serena both wanted to go to Yale.

A little late, but we'll take it: Anyone at or above the age of "Gossip Girl"'s protagonist probably knows that early-decision news is a December event, not a mid-January reckoning. But this week's action-packed episode closed out one arc while neatly setting up conflicts that could consume the rest of the season. Well done, writers.

Yale is finally getting back to the students of Constance Billiard and the suspense is killing them. Blair is woken up by her dad, stepdad/model Roman and Dorota wearing Yale togs and bearing a bulldog (Yale mascot!) to celebrate the pending acceptance, even though she doesn't hear until she gets to school. The verdict: Waitlisted... a crushing blow for Queen B, who manages to find out that someone else at Constance has "her" slot in the freshman class. That someone is Serena, who is overjoyed that Dan got in but no longer sure that she would like to attend or trigger a massive rift between herself and her BFF.

When Serena discovers Yale wants to issue a press release about her acceptance, she decides to decline, making Blair overjoyed and Dan fretting about the potential distance between Providence and New Haven. (Note: It's about 2 hours on the train. Get over it!) Then again, Blair claims not to have applied to any other colleges. Great role model!

Meanwhile, Chuck's attempts to get Uncle Jack to break the morality clause for himself -- including having him tailed by trannies and attempting to order anthrax on his company credit card -- all come to naught until he pairs up with Lily, who has a better idea: Jack has taken control of Bass Industries based on his status as Chuck's guardian. But unbeknownst to him, or Chuck, the late great Bart Bass made a move to adopt Serena and Eric, and in turn to have Chuck adopted by Lily. Since the dead guy had already drawn up the papers, all his son has to do is sign to make Lily the interim head of Bass Industries.

Everyone eventually converges on the opera, which is "Tristan un Isolde" -- a recent offering of the Metropolitan Opera, although this section of the episode was clearly not filmed in the Met's home. Nate pretends to be surprised when Vanessa has bought him nosebleed seats, even though he was going to treat her to the family box -- apparently he's been dropping mad cash on her since the Archibald funds were un-frozen. (Not enough drama in this arc!) Rufus tries to impress the crowds with info Eric fed him about opera, but to no avail. And exultant, Blair decides to trick the new teacher who dared give her a B (Laura Breckenridge as Rachel Carr, fresh out of Teach for America from Alabama) by baiting her with free tickets and then promising to meet her at a closed restaurant. Out of towners! They're so gullible.

When Uncle Jack discovers that Lily and her bad reputation are in charge and he's headed back to Australia, he decides the best idea is to barricade Lily in the powder room and try to rape her. Too bad that didn't work! Once again, Charles is in charge, of our days and our nights...

Too bad Blair isn't in charge: When the headmistress finds out about her little new-teacher trick, her admittance to Yale is yanked pending a semester-long spell in detention. Oh, someone's going down for that -- possibly the same someone who seems ready to seduce Dan and his swoonworthy Brooklyn ways. Oh, it's war all right. (Episode title provided by Dorota -- <3.)

Related Stories:
· Last Week's Episode: It's So Hard Finding Obedient Minions [Jaunted]
· Earlier This Season: The Gossip Girls Visited Yale [Jaunted]
· Gossip Girl coverage [Jaunted]