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Smile and Fake It

Previously: The Van der Woodsens fled to Brooklyn for Thanksgiving, Vanessa pretended not to compete with Jenny for Nate's attentions and Aaron decides to be a one-woman man for Serena.

It's time for the Senior Snowflake Charity Ball! And everyone is whipped up into a frenzy about it. Serena and Dan have both decided to go solo... then Aaron's ex Lexi (Natalie Knepp, new enough to the scene that she still has a Facebook page under her real name!) shows up and makes things super awkward. Aaron is able to purchase Serena's cooperation by agreeing to go to the ball with her, but Lexi takes a shine to Dan and decides to accompany him... and she sleeps with guys on the first date. So Serena decides to sleep with Aaron afterwards too. Ooh, competitive sex!

Lily and Bart still haven't made up from their little Thanksgiving spat. Lily doesn't seem that concerned about it, but Bart assures her that he fired the private investigator. Too bad in an easily accessible drawer she discovers this invoice:

It's funny that he's tracking Aaron, but who's Jonathan Henry? And how do we get into this business?

Jenny isn't even going to the ball, nor is she re-enrolled in school, but she gets drawn into the drama anyway. After she finds out that Vanessa is sneaking away to see Nate on Gossip Girl, she helps junior meanie Penelope sabotage V. by giving her a dress that oh-so-happens to be see-through when you shine a light on it. Preparing to re-enter the world of Constance Billiard, perhaps?

And without the slightest compulsion to go with anyone else, Blair and Chuck decide to pick each other's dates for a little friendly wager. If Chuck likes his date, Blair gets the Sex Limo for a month. If Blair likes hers, Chuck gets Dorota's services. Blair enlists Dorota to find some girls ("On Facebook! I joined a bunch of groups!") who look just like her... not that any girl could replace her in Chuck's heart.

Finally, the ball! And the decor looks just like that gallery room where Dan and Serena slept together for the first time, which must be why that night is on their minds. After an awkward conversation, Dan tells her that no matter what he does with Lexi, that was "the greatest night of my life." And Serena agrees! Man, they are so not over each other.

Jenny's little sting works on Vanessa, but not to the effects she intended: The humiliation happens, but J. is caught at the last minute trying to stop Vanessa, putting her once again out of the mean girl circle. (She then threatens to return to school, which... is a given, right?) And even though Nate finds out about the letter Vanessa kept from Jenny, he still wants to be with his sweet Brooklynite, even though the costume designers continue to put her in hoop earrings. Seriously, what is with the hoop earrings? They are not edgy and they're a lazy trademark for a character who would be too cool to wear them in real life.

Blair and Chuck's plan also backfires, but hilariously! See, Blair found Chuck a faux-Blair, and Chuck found Blair a faux-Chuck. How close are they?

Who knew there were Bass knockoffs out there? That's the only kind we can afford... Then the doppelgangers make out, which only makes Blair angry because even they can work it out while she and Chuck can't. Chuck just looks into the distance and manages to make an Elvis-style sparkly jacket look hot. Oh, Chuck.

And Lily and Rufus are supposed to be chaperoning this business, but instead she's obsessing about her divorce and he's trying to express to her why he didn't try to stop the marriage. But meanwhile, across town, Bart is racing to her side... until he gets into an accident. And that's where it ends -- damn you, writers! Where is our comeuppance?

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