Who knew the Waldorf women were Cyndi Lauper fans? We never would've guessed. Anyway, Blair's 18th should have been a bigger deal but she was completely preoccupied with Mom's new boyfriend Cyrus (Wallace Shawn), whom Blair hates. "He's five feet tall, he's got a catchphrase and he's a hugger," she says indignantly to Serena. "I asked for Cary Grant and I got Danny DeVito!" Why one might want an attractive stepfather is beyond the scope of this website.
Unfortunately for Blair, Cyrus is also a lawyer and content to outmaneuver her after she tries to sabotage his relationship with Eleanor by digging up some dirt on the Vietnamese woman he fell in love with while he was in the war. (He cheated on his American wife and was planning to leave her, but then the Vietnamese woman died in an attack. His trusting spouse never found out.)
But it backfires to the point that--surprise!--Cyrus is now moving in with them. "Some of us can't rely entirely on our looks, you know," he smirks. Is Shawn going to become a series regular? Except for the fact that his first initial doubles Chuck Bass', we think it's an excellent idea.
Speaking of Chuck, there wasn't a lot of him in this episode, but way more of his daddy. See, now that Dan has decided to write about thinly disguised real people, his mentor Noah Shapiro will recommend him for Yale... if he reports and writes a takedown of Bart Bass for New York magazine. Because, you know, fiction and journalism are totally the same thing! And an anonymous informant comes out of the woodwork to allege that Bart burned down a building he couldn't sell in '87 in order to get money for his takeover.
Look, he's sitting in front of a fire... because he CAUSED a fire... and it's his CONSCIENCE... we think?
In the end, Dan decides to let his conscience rule (after Chuck has already figured out the New York connection) and passes his fictional story about Chuck to his dad. How obvious are Chuck's daddy issues? The story is titled "5.19.91," for his birthdate (and the death of his mom). When Bart apologizes to his son, it sure confirmed those rumors on the Internet that highlight for spoiler: Bart Bass is not long for this world, and the funeral that has been filmed is his! (End spoiler.)
Also, Jenny realized long after the rest of the world that her "business partner" Agnes is a party girl who knows people but doesn't like to work. When J goes forward with her design plans without her, Agnes retaliates by kicking her out and burning her samples in a can on the street. Get it? Bonfire of the... Never mind. So Little J can't get representation without a parental signature (and the old ask-Mom trick didn't work) and has nothing to show and nowhere to live... Time to turn in her teasing comb and go back to high school?
Jenny's plot line is starting to get a little tiresome, but at least we got to see Rufus playing guitar this week. That was good for some LOLZ.
Oh, and Serena lets herself be convinced by Aaron that they really want to have an open relationship while he shows her the magic of Times Square. Now, if he were cuter we could understand, but we still say: Do they not show Stranger Danger at private schools? We wouldn't go to Touristville with this, let alone to a private room at the Cloisters, even if--surprise!--he happens to be Cyrus' kid.
Related Stories:
· Last Week: You Have To Admire Her Determination [Jaunted]
· Blair's Birthday Last Year: Gossip Girl's Bizarre Love Triangles [Jaunted]
· Celeb Travel coverage [Jaunted]
by
egw
